Date night jar ideas: how to fill one together, sorted by mood

A date night jar is a jar of folded slips, each with one date idea, that you fill together and pull from when neither of you wants to decide. It works best when you both write the slips, give each mood a color and agree on a rule or two before the first pull. Below are one-line ideas for every mood, ready to copy onto slips, with links to longer lists when you want more.

An example: every Friday at Leo and Hana's used to start the same way. "What do you feel like doing?" "I don't mind. You pick." Twenty minutes later they'd order the same noodles and scroll until it was too late to start anything. One Sunday Hana washed out an empty pasta sauce jar and cut paper strips in four colors: blue for nights in, green for going out, sand for free and white for something new. They each wrote three slips of every color without letting the other see. On Friday Hana held the jar out, and Leo shut his eyes and reached in. He pulled a white slip in her handwriting: "Teach me the card game your grandfather taught you, and lose once on purpose." They never opened the noodle app that night.

How to make a date night jar together

1. Find a jar you'll see every day. Any empty jar or small box works. Keep it on the kitchen counter or a shelf you pass often, so it doesn't vanish into a cupboard.
2. Pick your moods and give each one a color. Four is a good number. Colored paper works, or white paper with a dot of marker on the back.
3. Write on your own. Each of you writes a few slips for every color without showing the other. Half the fun is pulling an idea you didn't write.
4. Keep each slip to one line. "Picnic dinner on the floor" is enough. Add a short note if it matters, like "needs a free Saturday" or "summer only."
5. Decide how secret it stays. Some couples read every slip aloud once and take out anything one of them would truly hate. Others keep them all hidden and trust the skip rule below.
6. Fold every slip the same way, so nobody can spot their own.

Twenty to thirty slips is a good start. That's enough for months of Fridays and few enough to write in one evening.

How to pull a slip, and a few rules that help

• Pick the color first. If you're tired after a long week, pull from nights in. With a free Saturday ahead, pull from something new.
• Take turns pulling. One week it's you, the next it's your partner.
• One skip each per month. If a slip really doesn't fit, it goes back in and you pull again. After that, the jar decides.
• Pull early for the big ones. For a whole-day idea, pull on Monday, so there's time to plan.
• Add a wild card or two. A slip that says "You choose" or "The other one plans everything" keeps the jar from feeling predictable.
• Keep the used slips. Drop them in an envelope, and read through the whole pile on your anniversary.
• Refill when it's a third full. Sit down together, keep the favorites and write a fresh batch.

Date night jar ideas, sorted by mood

Copy these onto slips, or change a word to make them yours.

Nights in

For a longer list of evenings at home, see at-home date night ideas.

• Make dumplings from scratch
• Dinner on the living room floor with a sheet for a tablecloth
• Read the first chapter of the same book aloud to each other
• Bake something from a grandparent's recipe
• A two-player card game where the loser makes breakfast
• Watch a documentary about something neither of you knows anything about
• Turn off every screen and talk until the candle burns down

Going out

Daylight dates have a whole page in daytime date ideas.

• Breakfast at a diner you've never tried
• A morning at a museum, splitting up and meeting at your favorite room
• A long walk through a part of town you don't know
• A bike ride to the best view nearby
• A matinee at the oldest cinema in town
• Mini golf, where the loser plans the next date
• A sunrise walk with coffee in a flask

Free or almost free

For more dates that hardly touch your wallet, see cheap and free date ideas.

• Watch the sunset from the highest spot you can walk to
• A library visit where each of you picks a book for the other
• Walk a street you've never been down and choose the house you'd live in
• Sit by the water and plan next summer
• Borrow a board game from friends and learn it together
• Pack sandwiches and eat lunch somewhere with a view
• Slow dance in the kitchen to whatever you both loved at twenty

First-time slips

For bigger firsts, try our list of fun ideas for couples.

• A beginner class in something neither of you can do, like pottery or salsa
• Eat a kind of food you've never tried
• Take a train to the next town and explore it for an afternoon
• Watch a sport you've never seen live
• Drive an hour in one direction with no plan
• Swap hobbies for a day, so you join theirs and they join yours
• Climb a wall at an indoor climbing gym

Talking dates

For the questions themselves, use deep questions to ask your partner.

• Tell the story of the day you met, each from your own side
• A walk where each of you asks three questions the other has never been asked
• Plan your dream year, from the city you'd live in to what you'd learn
• Write a list of ten things to do together before next year

Cold-weather slips

Winter gets its own list in winter date ideas.

• A walk to see the lights, then hot chocolate at home
• Ice skating, holding hands for balance
• A snowy walk, then soup you make together
• A floor picnic by the window while it snows

Slips for two couples

For evenings with another pair, see double date ideas.

• Game night with another couple
• Dinner with friends where each couple cooks one course
• Brunch with a couple you'd like to know better

When you pull a slip one of you doesn't want

Sooner or later the slip says hike when one of you was hoping for the sofa. You can use your skip, but try a smaller version first. Walk the park near your home instead of the trail, or cook one dish from the class instead of signing up for it. Couples who try the other's ideas now and then often find a few new favorites.

If the same person keeps reaching for the skip, look at the slips. One of you may have filled the jar with plans and the other with surprises. That gap is worth a laugh and a talk, and it can come from personality more than from the slips themselves.

Planners, improvisers and the jar

Some people love not knowing what comes out. Others want to see the plan by Tuesday. Part of that can follow type. Here is how eight of the 16 types might run it:

• Ideator writes the oddest slips and loves the moment of not knowing.
• Harmonizer fills the jar with good food and cozy nights, and may quietly skip the hike.
• Vitalizer makes a little show of every pull and wants friends along for half the dates.
• Inspector wants the colors fixed, the skip rule clear and the used slips counted.
• Diplomat pulls a slip and is out the door ten minutes later.
• Strategist likes the jar more than expected, because it saves a decision, and adds a time note to every slip.
• Organizer makes sure the jar never runs empty and keeps the envelope of used slips.
• Encourager sneaks in wild cards and something new each time the jar gets a refill.

Hana is an Organizer, so the jar was refilled long before it ran low.

See why your slips look so different

Put your two piles of slips side by side, and you'll learn a lot about each other. Typeza shows you the relationship type you make as a couple: the evenings that come easily to you and the ones where you want different things. Start with the free couples compatibility test. Your result comes with an invite for your partner.

Questions people ask

Is a date jar a good idea for married couples?

Yes. It takes the weekly "what should we do" off the table, and after years together it's a simple way to try things you'd never pick on a Friday night.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.