Monthiversary: do the months count, and when does your anniversary start?

A monthiversary is the date each month that marks another month together, like the 9th of every month for a couple whose first date was on March 9. Monthly anniversaries count as much as the two of you want them to. Many couples mark the first few months and switch to a yearly date somewhere between six months and the first year. Many dating couples count from the day they agreed to be a couple, some count from the first date, and married couples usually count from the wedding.

An example: Joel and Mira had their first date on the 9th of March, at a bakery near the river. On the 30th, on the little wooden footbridge they crossed on the walk home, they agreed they were a couple. On the 9th of April, Joel turned up with two cinnamon buns in a plain white paper bag. On the 30th, Mira asked if he wanted to walk to the bridge. Neither of them said why. In June, Joel brought the paper bag along on the walk and said, "Happy three months. Again." Mira stopped in the middle of the bridge, pointed at him and laughed. They'd been counting from different days the whole time. They kept both: the 9th is buns, the 30th is the bridge.

What is a monthiversary?

The word joins "month" and "anniversary." Anniversary comes from the Latin words for "year" and "to turn," so strictly speaking it happens once a year. People bent the word anyway, because the first months of a relationship feel too big to wait a whole year for a date. Big dictionaries such as Dictionary.com still leave monthiversary out, though Wiktionary has it in print as early as 1922. In the Philippines the same day is often called a monthsary, and a rare older word, mensiversary, comes from the Latin word for month.

A monthiversary usually falls on the same date each month. If you got together on the 14th, the 14th of every month is your day. Some couples count weeks in the first month too, but many start with the first full month.

Do monthly anniversaries count?

They count if they mean something to you, and nobody else gets a vote. Early on, a month can feel like a long time. You've gone from near strangers to people who know each other's coffee order, and marking the date is a way of saying you've noticed.

A monthiversary also asks very little. A message in the morning, a walk after work or a dinner you'd have eaten anyway is enough. Think of it as a regular check-in that happens to have a date on it, rather than a small copy of the yearly anniversary with plans and presents.

Some couples stop after three months, others keep going to six, and many switch to a yearly date after the first year. Some keep a small habit for much longer, like a standing date night on the same day each month. If that works for you both, there's no reason to stop.

When one of you marks the months and the other doesn't

Plenty of couples run into this. One partner has the 9th in their calendar, and the other finds out it was the 9th when a message arrives. Neither of them is doing it wrong.

The one who counts often reads a forgotten month as a sign of something. Usually it isn't, because some people simply don't track dates, for anything. The one who doesn't count may feel tested, as if there's a quiz every four weeks. A short talk often clears it up.

• Say what the day means to you. "It's my way of saying I'm glad we're together" lands better than "You forgot."
• Agree on a size. A message counts, and so does a walk. Nobody has to plan an evening.
• Pick an end date. "Until six months, then once a year" gives the partner who doesn't count a finish line.
• Use a reminder without shame. A repeating note in your phone is a perfectly good way to remember.
• Let a missed month go. Mention it, laugh and mark the next one.

If you counted from different days, like Joel and Mira, you don't have to pick a winner. Two small dates a month take very little time.

Small ways to mark the first five months

None of these take more than an evening, and most take less.

• One month. Send a message in the morning about one thing you noticed in the first month, like the little tune they hum to themselves while they cook.
• Two months. Repeat your first date in the same order: the same walk, the same order at the counter, the same dessert.
• Three months. Take a walk and ask each other three questions: what surprised you, what made you laugh and what you'd like to do next.
• Four months. Cook something neither of you has cooked before, and eat it even if it goes wrong.
• Five months. Find a photo from your first weeks and take a new one in the same spot.

At six months many couples do a little more. Our page on the 6 month anniversary has ideas for half a year.

When does your anniversary start?

There's no rule, and couples count from different days. These are common starting points.

• The first date. Easy to remember, especially if it had a place you can go back to.
• The day you agreed to be a couple. A common choice for dating couples, because it's the day the relationship got a name.
• The first kiss or the first "I love you." Some couples pick the moment that felt like the real start.
• The day you moved in together. A few couples keep this as a second date.
• The wedding. Married couples usually switch to the wedding date, and many keep the dating date as a smaller one.

If you can't agree, keep two. Or pick the one you both remember without checking your phone. And if your day is the 31st, mark the last day of the shorter months. April 30 works fine.

Your first dating anniversary

At twelve months, the monthly dates usually make way for a yearly one. For many couples it's the first anniversary that feels like a real occasion, with a dinner or a day out. Our anniversary ideas page covers that first year and the ones after it. A year is also around when the early rush can settle into something calmer, which our guide to the stages of a relationship describes month by month.

Who counts the days, and who never notices

Whether someone tracks the months has something to do with personality. These eight of the 16 types show the range.

• Mentor remembers what a date meant more than the date itself. They'll mark the month with a long talk about how far you've come.
• Commander may lose track of the months completely, then plan something quick and lively the moment they're reminded.
• Dreamer cares about the mood of the day more than the plan. Soft light and a quiet walk mean a lot to them.
• Strategist thinks ahead. They'll want to settle early which date counts and how long the habit runs.
• Entrepreneur turns a monthiversary into a small outing to a new place, as long as it doesn't take the whole day.
• Guardian takes the day you became a couple seriously, because it's the day you chose each other. Mira is one.
• Organizer puts the date in a shared calendar and sets the reminder for both of you.
• Craftsman marks the day with something good to eat. Two warm buns from the right bakery count as a celebration. Joel is one.

Find out how you two fit together

Whether you count the months or the years, it helps to know why one of you remembers dates and the other doesn't. Typeza names the kind of pair you are: what comes naturally to you both and where your wishes differ. Take the free couples compatibility test on your next monthiversary, and your partner can add their answers after you.

Questions people ask

Is a monthiversary a real thing?

Yes, in the sense that lots of couples celebrate one. Big dictionaries leave the word out, but people know what it means.

What do you say on a one month anniversary?

Keep it short and specific. Name one thing you liked about the first month, like "One month already, and you still make me laugh every morning." That works better than a big speech.

When do couples stop celebrating monthiversaries?

Many stop somewhere between six months and the first year. Some keep a small monthly habit for years.

How do you know when your anniversary is?

Pick the day that feels like the start to both of you. If you can't agree, keep two dates.

Do you celebrate a 3 month anniversary?

Many couples do, often with something small like a walk or a dinner at home. Three months is also a natural time to talk about how things are going.

Sources

• Wiktionary, "monthiversary": a blend of month and anniversary, quoted in print in 1922.
• Wiktionary, "monthsary" and "mensiversary": the Philippine word and the rare word built on the Latin for month.
• Dictionary.com, "anniversary": from the Latin for "year" and "to turn".

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.