Granddaughters Day and Grandsons Day: what to tell a grown grandchild

Granddaughters Day and Grandsons Day are two small, informal days at the end of September, most often given as September 25 and September 28. They suit grown grandchildren especially well, because adults rarely hear what a grandparent sees in them now. A letter, a call or a few lines on the day can fix that.

An example: Elsa is 81 and still grows more beans than one person could ever eat, so every September her two grandchildren come over to help pick the last of them. Last year she had written each of them a letter for the two days. She handed Clara, 33, and Jonah, 29, their envelopes in the garden, between the bean poles. Jonah's letter said: "You listen to people the way your grandfather did. I saw it at your cousin's wedding, and I wanted you to know." He read it twice. Elsa then told a story neither of them had heard, about the time their grandfather spent a whole train ride listening to a stranger's life story and missed his stop. Both letters now hang on their fridges.

Two informal days, several dates

Neither day is official, and nobody knows who started them. Calendar sites don't agree on the dates either. Several list Granddaughters Day on September 25 and Grandsons Day on September 28, the same dates as National Daughters Day and National Sons Day. Others put Granddaughters Day on September 26 or on the third Sunday of September, and Grandsons Day on the last Sunday of the month. At least one calendar moves Granddaughters Day into October. If you want a single answer, September 25 and September 28 are the dates you'll see most often.

Both come a few weeks after Grandparents Day, which is the first Sunday after Labor Day. So in September the thanks can go both ways: early in the month your grandchildren thank you, and at the end of it you get to answer.

Why it matters more once they're grown

Grown grandchildren hear plenty from parents, partners and friends. A grandparent sees something none of them can: the whole line, from the start. You knew them before they could talk, and you know the family they come from. So when you tell a 30-year-old what you see in them, it means more.

The bond also tends to get quieter once grandchildren grow up and move away. Visits get shorter and calls get rarer, and nobody means for it to happen. A day with a name on it gives you a reason to say something warm without it feeling heavy.

Five things a grown grandchild rarely hears

You love them, and they know it. These five are less obvious, and they're the ones that end up on the fridge.

That you like the adult they became

Love comes with being family, but they may never have heard that you also like them. "If we weren't related, I'd still want you as a friend" may be the nicest sentence a grandchild ever gets from you.

A story from before they were born

Tell them about their mom or dad at their age, or about a grandparent they never met. Elsa's train story belongs here. It hands them a piece of where they come from, and nobody else can tell it the way you do.

That you trust their choices

Many grown grandchildren expect a grandparent to worry about how they live: the city they moved to, the partner they picked, the plans they changed. Saying "I trust you to know what's right for you" can be a relief.

That they taught you something

Maybe they showed you how to make a video call, changed your mind about something or got you reading a new kind of book. Tell them so: "You changed how I see this, and at my age that isn't easy."

What you hope for them

Skip the advice and share a hope instead. "I hope you keep that laugh your whole life" is something they'll remember long after any tip about money.

Lines for a granddaughter, a grandson or both

Keep it to two or three sentences, and put in one detail that belongs to just you and them.

For a granddaughter:

• "Happy Granddaughters Day. You have your great-grandmother's stubborn streak, and from me that's the highest praise."
• "Seeing the woman you've become is one of the best parts of growing old."
• "You call me every Sunday without fail. Don't think I haven't noticed."

For a grandson:

• "Happy Grandsons Day. You've grown into a kind man, and kindness was always the part I hoped for most."
• "You still hug like you mean it. Never stop."
• "Every time you fix something in my house, I see your grandfather's hands."

For the two of them together:

• "Two grandchildren, two very different people, and I'm proud of you both for the same reason: you're good to others."
• "Whatever else I did with my life, you two are the part I'd show off first."

If you'd like more words to borrow, grandparent quotes has a section written from your side of the family. His birthday is another chance, and birthday wishes for a grandson covers round numbers, a first home and a wedding year. For any other day, grandchildren quotes has short lines for a grandchild who has moved away, started work or begun teaching you things.

A letter, a call or a visit

A letter is what Elsa chose, and it's something a grandchild can keep. A call suits a grandchild who lives far away, especially one who'd rather hear your voice than read. A visit with a small task to share, like picking beans or sorting old photos, gives you time side by side. Many people talk more easily with busy hands.

Six types and the words they hold on to

Grandchildren take praise in different ways, and personality type is part of the reason. Here are six of the 16 types:

• Ideator enjoys a letter with an idea or a strange story in it. Ask what they're curious about these days, then let them talk.
• Analyst wants words that are exact. One true sentence about how their mind works means more than a page of praise.
• Commander respects directness. Say it plainly, keep it short, then go and do something together.
• Diplomat likes to be noticed. Tell them how a room changes when they walk in, and say it in front of the family.
• Strategist thinks far ahead. Tell them what you see in where they're heading, and leave the details to them.
• Encourager loves to hear that someone believes in their next plan. Ask about it and cheer them on.

Every grandchild mixes a few of these, and you've watched yours long enough to know which line fits.

If you hear from them less these days

Many grandparents notice their grandchildren going quiet in their twenties and thirties, busy with new cities, partners and lives of their own. A September message with no request in it is easy to answer. Leave out "You never call." Try "I was thinking about you today and wanted to say I'm proud of you" instead. It asks for nothing, which makes it easy to answer.

Try the family test with your grandchild

If you've ever wondered why one grandchild just gets you and another feels harder to reach, take the free family compatibility test. Your result comes with a link for your granddaughter or grandson, and once they've taken it, you'll both see the relationship type you have.

Questions people ask

Is Granddaughters Day a real holiday?

It's informal and has never been made official. Several calendars put it on September 25, and others on September 26.

When is Grandsons Day?

Most often September 28. A few sources use the last Sunday of September instead.

What should I write to my adult granddaughter?

One thing you admire about the woman she has become and one memory from years ago. Two or three sentences are plenty.

How do you celebrate Grandsons Day with a grandson who lives far away?

Call him, or mail a short letter. A letter on paper stands out for a grown man who mostly gets bills in his mailbox.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.