Take it with a grain of salt: whose advice and stories to believe

To take something with a grain of salt means to listen to it without believing all of it, because it may be stretched, secondhand or only partly true. The phrase goes back to Pliny the Elder's Natural History, where a Roman antidote to poison was taken "after adding a grain of salt." The Latin cum grano salis is a later form.

An example: at the Okafor family's Sunday lunch, Aunt Grace announced that the couple next door were selling their house and moving to Spain. Lena's mother put down her fork. By dessert she was already wondering aloud who would buy it and whether they'd have a dog. Across the table, Lena's husband Kofi caught her eye and tapped the salt shaker twice, their private signal for "don't believe a word yet." Two weeks later the neighbors were still there. They had been getting new windows, and a van had been parked in their driveway for three days.

Aunt Grace isn't a liar. She hears half a story, fills in the rest and tells it with total confidence. Lena's mother believes almost anything said warmly at her own table. Kofi believes almost nothing until he has seen it himself. Many families have all three.

Grain of salt, pinch of salt and other versions

You'll hear the saying in a few forms, and they all mean the same thing.

• Take it with a grain of salt. The usual American version.
• Take it with a pinch of salt. The common British version.
• With a grain of salt. Used on its own after a piece of news: "He says the cabin has a lake view. With a grain of salt."
• Take my advice with a grain of salt. A polite way to say you might be wrong, used about your own words.
• A whole shaker of salt. A joke for someone whose stories you barely trust at all.

Notice the fourth one. People often use the phrase about themselves, and it's one of the kindest ways to give an opinion without pushing it.

Three things people tell you, and how much salt each needs

Advice comes from someone's own life. It can be wise and still not fit yours, because they had different money, different people around them and a different decade. Keep the reason behind it and weigh the details. If the advice arrived without you asking, unsolicited advice covers how to answer it without a fight.

Stories are told for fun, and fun stories grow. The fish gets bigger, the rude waiter gets ruder, and nobody is really harmed. Enjoy the story as a story, and check the facts only if you plan to act on them.

Gossip needs the most salt. It is secondhand by nature, it is about someone who isn't there to explain, and every person who passes it on adds a little. Aunt Grace's van became a move to Spain in two retellings.

Who you take at face value, and who gets the salt

Trust usually depends less on what someone says and more on their track record with that kind of thing. One friend can be wrong about restaurants and dead right about people.

The friend who tells it bigger

Every group has one. Their weekends are always the best ever and their bad dates are always the worst in history. Love them for it, and divide by two. Take them seriously on the things they've been right about before, such as who in the group is upset and why.

The relative who always has news

Families pass news along fast, and the details change on the way. Before you react, ask where they heard it. "From Paula, who heard it from her neighbor" is a different thing from "she told me herself on Tuesday."

A parent's rules from another time

Parents hand down rules that worked in their lives: always buy, never rent, marry someone from home, keep a spare key with the neighbors. Some still hold up. Some belonged to a different town or a different decade. You can respect the worry behind a rule and still decide the rule itself doesn't fit.

A partner's view of your people

Your partner sees your family and friends from the outside, and sometimes that helps. They may notice that your brother only calls when he needs something. They also have their own feelings in the mix, especially about in-laws. When your partner reports what your mother said, the words may be right and the tone may be lost. Hear their view, then check it with your own eyes before you change how you treat someone.

Four questions before you believe it

Run through these when something sounds big, strange or very convenient.

1. Did they see it, or hear it? Firsthand beats secondhand nearly every time.
2. What would they gain if you believed it? A friend who dislikes your new partner may read every story about them in the worst light.
3. How often are they right about this kind of thing? Track record matters more than confidence.
4. Is anyone missing from the story? If the person it's about hasn't spoken, you've heard half of it.

Easy believers and habit doubters

Some people take what they hear at face value and enjoy the warmth that comes with trusting. Others check everything by habit, even good news. Which camp you land in is partly down to personality type. Here are eight of the 16 types:

• Harmonizer: wants the table to stay pleasant, so they tend to believe what's said warmly and avoid poking holes in it.
• Vitalizer: loves a good story and passes it on with feeling, sometimes before checking it.
• Analyst: asks whether the story holds together. A detail that doesn't fit will bother them for days.
• Inspector: trusts what has been confirmed and checks it against what they already know.
• Strategist: doubts by default and expects most claims to be less than they seem. Hard to fool, and sometimes hard to surprise.
• Guardian: weighs who is speaking more than what is said. A person of good character gets believed, and someone who has lied before rarely does.
• Counselor: listens for why someone is telling the story, and often hears the worry under the gossip.
• Encourager: gives people the benefit of the doubt and stays curious about what's true.

Lena's mother sounds a lot like a Harmonizer. Kofi, with his two taps on the salt shaker, sounds like a Strategist. Both are useful in a family. The believer makes people feel trusted, and the doubter stops a rumor before it reaches the neighbors.

How to say "I'm not sure about that" kindly

Doubting a story doesn't have to mean calling someone a liar. Short, warm lines work best:

• "Huh. Where did you hear that?"
• "Maybe. Let's see what happens."
• "I'll wait until I hear it from her."
• "That might work for you. I want to try it my way first."
• "You could be right. I'm going to hold off for now."

Tone matters more than words. Say it with a smile and a question, and many people won't feel doubted at all. If you've said your piece and they still believe it, let it go. You can lead a horse to water is about that moment from the helper's side.

When everything gets salted

Doubt can go too far. A partner who questions every story you bring home, or a friend who never quite believes your good news, slowly teaches people to stop telling them things. If you're the habitual doubter, save the salt for gossip and big claims, and take the people you love at their word about their own feelings.

Find out if you believe first or doubt first

Some people take what they hear at face value and others salt everything, and your type plays a big part in that. The free personality test works out your type and lists its strong and weak spots. If you live with a doubter, or a believer, your result has a link for them to take the same test. Once they have answered, your relationship type points to the subjects where you understand each other easily and the ones where one of you always wants a second source.

Questions people ask

What does take it with a grain of salt mean?

Don't believe all of it yet. Listen, keep a little doubt, and wait until you know more.

Is it grain of salt or pinch of salt?

Both are correct. Americans usually say grain of salt, and British speakers usually say pinch of salt.

Where does the phrase grain of salt come from?

From a Roman recipe in Pliny the Elder's Natural History. The antidote was taken with a grain of salt added.

Is it rude to tell someone to take it with a grain of salt?

Not usually. Said about your own advice, it sounds modest. Said about another person's story in front of them, it can sting, so say it gently or in private.

What is another way to say take it with a grain of salt?

Don't take it too literally, I'd wait and see, take it lightly, or I'll believe it when I see it.

Sources

• Wikipedia, "Grain of salt": Pliny's antidote recipe with "addito salis grano," the later Latin form cum grano salis, and pinch of salt as the usual British form.
• Wiktionary, "with a grain of salt": the meaning, with common sense and some doubt.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.