There are two sides to every story: hearing both before you take a side

"There are two sides to every story" means that in any falling-out, each person has their own account, and you shouldn't decide who's right after hearing only one.

An example: Ana heard the first version at nine on Saturday morning, over the phone, before she'd had coffee. Mia was furious. She and Jess had planned a weekend at a lake cabin for months. Mia had booked it and paid for all of it, and on Thursday night Jess sent one text saying she couldn't come. There was no call and no offer to pay her half. "Who does that?" Mia asked.

Ana heard the second version at four that afternoon, on a café terrace, over a slice of lemon cake. Jess talked with both hands. She had told Mia twice that the dates were bad, because her sister was moving that weekend. Mia booked anyway and sent the link with one word: "Done!" When Jess cancelled, she offered by text to pay her share, and Mia never answered.

Ana rested her chin on her hand and said very little. Both stories were true, and neither was complete.

Why both versions sound true

You'll hear the saying as "there's always two sides to every story," as "there is two sides to every story" in casual speech, and written short as "2 sides to every story."

The saying doesn't accuse anyone of lying. Mia wasn't lying, and neither was Jess. People remember what they felt most strongly, and they tell the parts that explain what they did. Mia remembered the money and the single text. Jess remembered the two warnings and the unanswered offer. Each version left out the other's best point, without either of them meaning to.

That's why the first story you hear often sounds complete. It was told to make sense.

Hearing the first friend out

When a friend calls upset, they usually need to be heard before anything else. You can do that fully without agreeing to every word.

"That sounds really frustrating" is about your friend's feelings, and you can say it honestly. "She's awful" is a judgment about someone who isn't there to answer. Once you've said it, it's hard to take back, and it tends to get repeated.

A few questions help, as long as they come from curiosity. "Did you two talk about the dates before?" "What did she say when she cancelled?" Sometimes your friend fills in the other side on their own just by answering.

Then asking for the other story

You don't always need to hear the other friend. If the fight is small and not your business, listening once and letting it pass is often enough.

But if you're close to both, or the fight is splitting your group, it's fair to ask. Keep it simple: "Mia told me about the cabin. I'd like to hear how it looked from your side." Then listen the same way you listened to the first friend. Try not to carry quotes back and forth, because the messenger ends up in the middle of every next message.

Words that keep you out of the referee's chair

Being the friend between two others can feel a bit like being the third wheel, with extra homework. These lines help you stay kind to both without signing up for either side:

• "I care about you both, so I'm not going to pick a winner."
• "That sounds hard. Have you told her this, the way you told me?"
• "I've heard a bit from both of you. I think you should talk to each other, not through me."
• "I'm happy to listen, but I won't pass messages."

None of these tries to settle the fight for them. Arguments between friends rarely end with one person winning, and even the advice on how to win an argument starts with listening first.

When the whole family wants you on their team

Families can be harder than friends, because everyone has a long history. Two brothers fall out over who hosts the holidays, and each calls you first. Your parents disagree about money and each tells you, separately, why the other is being unreasonable. A sister tells you about a fight with her husband, and a week later he tells you his half over dinner.

Many couples' fights circle a few familiar topics, as what couples argue about shows, and hearing one partner's version often makes the other look unfair. Listening without repeating it to anyone keeps you useful to both.

In families it also helps to say out loud what you're doing. "I'm going to hear Dad's side too before I say anything" sounds fair, even to the person who called first.

Sometimes one side is simply wrong

Hearing both sides doesn't mean pretending both are equal. If one friend lied, or was cruel, or broke a promise on purpose, listening to the other story usually makes that clearer. The saying asks you to wait before you decide. It doesn't ask you never to decide at all.

Groups often split along these lines, and the friends in the middle feel pulled both ways. Why friendships of three are so hard is one of the questions in friend group dynamics. Once you've heard both sides, you're allowed to have an opinion, and to share it kindly with each of them.

Older than the phrase

The idea goes back much further than the words. Diogenes Laërtius, who wrote about the lives of Greek thinkers in the third century AD, gives credit to Protagoras, a teacher from the fifth century BC. In R. D. Hicks's 1925 English translation, the line reads:

> "Protagoras was the first to maintain that there are two sides to every question, opposed to each other."

Two cautions go with that. Protagoras's own books are lost, and Diogenes wrote over six hundred years after him, so we only have the idea second-hand. The English wording is also the translator's.

The everyday form with "story" has no known first use. A phrase researcher has found it in American newspapers by 1960, already with a joke attached about a third side, the truth. Versions of that three-sided joke go back to the 1890s. Some websites credit Aesop's fable "The Mule," but the fable in Townsend's translation has no such line.

Who picks a side, and who asks for the other version

When two friends fall out, some people take a side within minutes, and others won't decide anything until they've heard everyone. Personality type plays a part in that. Eight of the 16 types show how differently people react.

• Harmonizer tries to calm both friends down and would rather not pick a side at all.
• Vitalizer feels the hurt in the first call and often takes that friend's side straight away, out of loyalty.
• Analyst wants the facts from both sides before saying a word, and asks for dates and details.
• Mentor is moved by whoever tells the more painful story, and may need a day before hearing the other one.
• Commander decides fast who's in the wrong and says so, then changes their mind only if the other story is strong.
• Diplomat tends to back the friend they're closest to, then quietly works to bring the two back together.
• Strategist holds back, listens to everyone and keeps their view to themselves for a long time.
• Guardian looks at who broke a promise and takes a side on that, whoever called first.

Find out how you and a friend handle a falling-out

Some friends talk a fight through in an hour. Others need a week and a go-between. Typeza gives each of you a type and then explains the relationship type you two share, including how disagreements tend to go between you and what helps you come back together. Start alone with the free friendship compatibility test. Your result is where you invite the friend whose side of things you'd most like to hear.

Questions people ask

What does "there are two sides to every story" mean?

It means each person in a disagreement has their own account, and you should hear both before deciding who's right.

Is it "there is" or "there are two sides to every story"?

"There are two sides to every story" is the standard form. "There is two sides" and "there's always two sides" are common in speech and mean the same thing.

Who said "there are two sides to every story"?

Nobody is known to have said it first in this form. The idea goes back to the Greek teacher Protagoras, who is said to have taught that there are two sides to every question.

What's a good two sides to every story quote?

The oldest is the line about Protagoras: "there are two sides to every question, opposed to each other." A popular joke adds a third side to every story, the truth.

Should I stay neutral when two friends fight?

At first, yes. Hear both of them out before you take a side. Once you've heard both, you can share your honest view kindly with each of them.

Sources

• Diogenes Laërtius, "Lives of Eminent Philosophers, Book IX", translated by R. D. Hicks (1925): the line about Protagoras and two sides to every question.
• Barry Popik, "There are two sides to every story, and then there's the truth": the 1960 newspaper joke about two sides and the truth.
• Quote Investigator, "Every question has three sides": three-sided versions of the saying from 1894 on.
• Project Gutenberg, "Aesop's Fables", translated by George Fyler Townsend: the text of "The Mule."

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.