What does pretentious mean? Signs of a pretentious person

To be pretentious is to act as if you know more, have finer taste or stand higher in life than you really do. People use the word as a criticism, usually of the way someone talks about what they read, know or like, when it seems meant to impress more than to share.

What the word covers

The noun is pretentiousness, for the habit as a whole. The word is related to pretend, which is a handy way to remember it: the person is pretending to be a bit more than they are. Close words are pompous, showy, affected, snobbish and the jokey "la-di-da". The opposite is unpretentious, and down to earth is the everyday way to say it.

Everyday signs of a pretentious person

Many of the signs show up in conversation. Each one on its own can be innocent, and it's the pattern that earns the word.

• A long word where a short one would do, and a glance to check that you noticed it.
• Names dropped into the talk, like the author they once sat next to, or the little town in Italy "nobody has heard of".
• Announcements about what they don't do. "I don't watch TV" or "I only read the classics", said to the whole room as if it were a rank.
• Liking things only while few people know them, and going off them once they catch on.
• Correcting how you say a foreign word when you'd both understood each other fine.
• Talking about a book they haven't read, or a city they've only seen in photos, as if they knew it well.
• "Oh, you haven't heard of it?" in a tone that makes it sound like a failing.

A Saturday at the lake with Henrik

An example: Henrik, 44, took up bird watching ten years ago, and his friends Jonna, 39, and Pekka, 41, have teased him about it ever since. On walks he'd say "great crested grebe" where they'd say "duck", and "that's a reed bunting, not a sparrow". Pekka called it his nature program voice. Between themselves, Jonna and Pekka had agreed it was a little pretentious.

One Saturday in October, Henrik brought two pairs of binoculars to the lake, his own and an older spare. Jonna took the spare. Pekka said he was fine, kept his hands in his pockets and grinned. Past the golden reeds, two white swans drifted near the far bank, under the green hills. Henrik said a smaller bird kept diving right beside them. Jonna found it on the third try, a brown bird with a little crest that went under the water and came up again a few seconds later. "That's the grebe," Henrik said. He lowered his own binoculars and beamed.

Jonna changed her mind on the walk back. If Henrik wanted to sound clever, any bird name would have done. He used the exact one because he wanted her to find the exact bird, and he'd carried an extra pair of binoculars for an hour so she could. Pekka still did the nature program voice in the car, and Henrik laughed along.

Pretentious or just passionate?

The difference is in what the knowledge is for. A passionate person wants you in. They explain when you ask, they're pleased when you get it, and they don't mind if you never care as much as they do. A pretentious person uses the same knowledge to keep a little distance between you, because the point is to be seen knowing.

Three things help you tell them apart. Notice whether the person talks about their interest the same way when nobody important is listening. Notice whether they warm up when you like it too, or cool off. And notice whether they can say "I don't know" about their own subject. Passion usually holds up on all three.

A lot of detail can sound showy to someone who doesn't share the interest, even when it's said warmly. Before you decide, listen to the person once more.

Pretentious, stuck up or full of yourself

Several words sit close to pretentious, and they don't mean the same thing. A stuck up person is cold and acts above others, and may never mention a book at all. A big ego is about how important a person feels, whatever they know or like. Arrogance is a loud certainty about being right, and confidence vs arrogance separates it from the calm, settled kind of confidence. Pretentious is narrower than all three, since it's about putting on taste, learning or status for show.

Precise words and plain words

Personality type plays a part in who sounds pretentious to whom. Some people reach for the exact word because the exact word is the point. Others trust plain talk and hear anything fancier as a show.

The Ideator loves ideas and brings up a new theory, an odd fact or a word from another field out of real excitement. The Analyst wants terms to be precise and says "grebe" because "duck" would be wrong. The Commander likes short, direct talk and can read a long explanation as someone trying to look clever. The Craftsman values what a person can do with their hands and may tune out anything that sounds like a lecture.

So when an Ideator or an Analyst talks with a Commander or a Craftsman, one side may feel they're sharing something sincere while the other hears showing off. These are common patterns between types, and real people vary a lot. Nothing here is advice.

How not to sound pretentious

• Use the everyday word first, and add the precise one only if it helps. "That bird, the grebe, the one with the crest."
• Ask what the other person likes before you say what you like.
• Explain once, then stop. If they want more, they'll ask.
• Say "I don't know" when you don't, most of all about your own interest.
• Leave out how you know something unless it matters. "I read it somewhere" is enough.
• Be glad when your thing gets popular.
• Laugh at yourself when you get carried away.

Much of this comes down to humility, which means not needing to be the one who knows best.

If someone calls you pretentious

It stings, especially if you thought you were just being keen. Ask what they meant. Often it's one habit, like a word you use a lot or a story you've told before, and not the whole of you. If the point was fair, drop the habit and keep the interest. If it wasn't, let it go. Some people find any interest they don't share a little showy, and you don't need to give up yours for them.

It also helps to check whether you were trying to share or trying to be seen. People who are sincere about what they love often come across that way in the end, even to the friends who teased them, as Henrik did.

See how your way of talking lands with someone

Once you and one other person both know your personality types, Typeza shows how the two of you tend to read each other. That includes why the same remark can sound sincere to one of you and showy to the other. Take the free personality test and share it with the friend who teases you, or the one you tease.

Questions people ask

What is a pretentious person?

Someone who acts more educated, cultured or important than they are, mostly through how they talk about what they know or like. The aim seems to be to impress more than to share.

How do you use pretentious in a sentence?

"I found his speech a bit pretentious, all those big words for a simple idea." Or, "Her emails sounded pretentious until she started writing the way she talks."

Is pretentious an insult?

Yes, a mild one. It criticizes how someone comes across, and not how much they really know. Friends sometimes use it as teasing.

Can a smart person seem pretentious without meaning to?

Yes. Someone who loves a subject may use precise words and long explanations with no wish to impress, and a listener who doesn't share the interest can still hear it as showing off.

Is pretentiousness a sign of insecurity?

Sometimes. Some people put on airs because they worry they won't be taken seriously otherwise. Others simply picked up a way of talking in a circle where everyone spoke like that.

Sources

• Dictionary.com, "pretentious". The meaning, an exaggerated claim to dignity or importance, and its link to pretend.
• Wiktionary, "pretentious". The Latin root praetendō and the antonym unpretentious.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.