Stupid jokes so dumb they're funny: silly riddles and one-liners

A stupid joke works when it's stupid all the way through, with no pun to work out and no clever twist. Below are "what do you call" jokes, dumb question and answer jokes, absurd jokes that make no sense, silly short jokes and dumb riddles with dumb answers, plus a few words on why they work and how to keep them kind.

An example: by three o'clock the sandwiches were gone, and the talk on the picnic blanket had gone quiet. Joaquim reached into the little woven basket, took out a banana and held it to his ear like a phone. He didn't smile, and for a moment he only listened. "Hello?" he said. "No, sorry, I think you have the wrong number. This is a banana." He paused and nodded slowly. "Yes, I'll hold." Rhea folded forward over her knees with her face in both hands. Corin leaned back and laughed at the sky, one hand pressed to his stomach. Joaquim stayed on hold, kept the banana at his ear and looked politely at the trees, like a man whose call was very important to them. That's a stupid joke: just a grown man on hold with a piece of fruit.

Stupid jokes that are funny anyway

Every one of these is fine at a family table.

• "I asked my dog what two minus two is. He said nothing."
• "I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know which comes first."
• "My neighbor's dog used to chase people on bikes. It got so bad they had to take his bike away."
• "What did the buffalo say when his son left home? 'Bison.'"
• "I named my horse Mayo. Sometimes Mayo neighs."

Say the dog one slowly. The laugh tends to arrive a beat after you stop talking.

What do you call jokes with one-word answers

A "what do you call" joke is a question with a made-up word at the end. The dumber the word, the better it lands.

• "What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh."
• "What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea."
• "What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador."
• "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant."
• "What do you call a factory that makes things that are just okay? A satisfactory."
• "What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato."
• "What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener."
• "What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer."

If you'd rather hear a groan than a laugh, bad jokes has terrible puns, corny one-liners, old dad jokes and anti-jokes.

Dumb question and answer jokes

These are built the old way: a plain question, a short wait and an answer nobody needed.

• "What did one wall say to the other wall? 'I'll meet you at the corner.'"
• "Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one."
• "Why don't oysters share their pearls? They're shellfish."
• "Why did the banana go out with the prune? It couldn't find a date."
• "What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."
• "What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits."

Absurd jokes that make no sense and still get a laugh

Some jokes skip the pun and go straight for nonsense. The listener waits for the part that makes sense, and it never comes.

• "What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same."
• "How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A fish."
• "Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, 'Do you know how to drive this thing?'"
• "I have a ceiling fan now. He comes over every Sunday, looks up and says, 'Wow. Great ceiling.'"
• "What's red and invisible? No tomatoes."
• "What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels."

If someone asks you to explain the duck, that's a good sign. There's nothing to explain, and they'll work that out soon.

Silly short jokes for a slow afternoon

Each of these fits in one breath, which makes them good for a text, a long queue or the quiet after a meal.

• "Velcro. What a rip-off."
• "I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I feel about it."
• "I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me."
• "I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."
• "The rotation of the earth really makes my day."

The one knock-knock joke worth keeping is the interrupting cow. You say "Knock, knock." They say "Who's there?" You say "Interrupting cow." They get as far as "Interrupting cow wh" and you say "Moo!" right over them.

On a cold day, winter jokes has snow and snowman jokes with the same silly streak.

Dumb riddles with dumb answers

A real riddle has a clever answer. These have dumb ones, and that's what makes people laugh instead of think.

• "What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck."
• "What has one head, one foot and four legs? A bed."
• "What has hands but can't clap? A clock."
• "Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither. They both weigh a ton."
• "How many months have 28 days? All of them."
• "A rooster lays an egg right on the peak of a roof. Which side does it roll down? Neither. Roosters don't lay eggs."

Ask the rooster one with a serious face and let your friend argue about the roof for a while before you answer.

Why a joke this dumb works

A clever joke asks you to keep up. A dumb joke asks for nothing. You hear the setup, brace for a twist and get two fish who can't drive their tank, and the laugh comes from the space between what you expected and what you got. A joke that's only a little dumb falls flat, because it sounds like a clever one that missed. A joke that's dumb all the way through is a choice, and people laugh at the choice.

Much of the work is in the face. Joaquim never smiled at the banana, and that's the same move behind dry humor: a flat voice makes a silly line land harder. The rest comes from the group. Once one person laughs at something this stupid, the next person laughs at them laughing, and a minute later nobody can say what the joke was. Stupid humor also takes the pressure off. Nobody looks clever telling it, so the quiet friend can have a go too. For more ways to find the kind of funny that fits you, how to be funnier is a good next read.

Let the joke be the stupid one

Every joke on this page has one stupid thing in it, and it's always the joke itself: the fish, the duck, the horse called Mayo. That's what keeps a dumb joke friendly. Once "stupid" points at a person, the laugh turns into something else. A "you're so dumb" line is an insult with a punchline, and the person on the end of it hears the insult first.

When a dumb joke goes well, the teller is the one who plays the fool, and they do it on purpose. Joaquim made himself the silly one so his friends could laugh at him. A few habits keep it that way:

• Make an object the fool, or yourself. A banana on hold or a fan that admires ceilings hurts nobody.
• Never use a riddle as a test. If a friend doesn't get the rooster one, tell them the answer and move on. Nobody should feel slow on a picnic blanket.
• Laugh at the joke, never at the friend who told it. "That's so stupid" said with a grin is applause. Said flatly, to a person, it's something else.
• Let a groan stay a groan. A friend who can't stand silly jokes is allowed to roll their eyes and still be part of the afternoon.

The first to laugh and the last, by type

In many groups, one person laughs at a dumb joke before it's over, and another laughs only once everyone else does. Both laughs count. Which one you are can follow personality type. Here are eight of the 16 types:

• Vitalizer laughs first and loudest, often before the punchline, and that laugh sets off the rest of the blanket.
• Analyst laughs last. They check whether the duck joke makes sense, find that it can't, and then laugh harder than anyone at that.
• Commander gives one short burst of laughter and then tells a dumber joke to win the round.
• Diplomat watches the faces and laughs the second someone else does, usually at the friend who's laughing.
• Guardian waits a beat to be sure the joke hurts nobody, then laughs warmly and asks to hear it again.
• Organizer smiles politely at first and laughs out loud an hour later, while packing the basket, at the fish who can't drive.
• Counselor laughs once they see how much the teller is enjoying it, so the laugh is really for the teller.
• Craftsman doesn't laugh at all, then answers with an even dumber joke and the same straight face.

Type theory only describes leanings, and the friend who laughs first at a picnic may be the last to laugh at a work lunch. Treat it as a game for the picnic blanket, not as advice about anyone you know.

Corin was laughing before Joaquim had finished saying hello, which is how a Vitalizer tends to laugh. Rhea took the whole call to get there.

See which of you laughs first

Typeza names your personality type and shows the relationship type you share with someone, like the friend who picks up your banana phone without missing a beat. It can explain why one of you laughs first and the other waits for the room. Take the free personality test, then send that friend the invite from your result page.

Questions people ask

What are some stupid jokes that are funny?

Short ones with a silly turn at the end. "I asked my dog what two minus two is. He said nothing" works on almost anyone, and so do the two fish who can't drive their tank. Tell them with a straight face.

What is the dumbest joke ever?

Nobody keeps score, but "What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same" is a strong contender. It makes no sense at all, and that's why people laugh.

What are some silly short jokes?

"Velcro. What a rip-off" and the lost mood ring both fit in one breath. Short jokes like these work well in a text or in a pause at the table.

What is a dumb riddle with a dumb answer?

"What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck." The listener thinks about wings, and the answer is about bugs. Many dumb riddles work the same way, with an answer that's simpler than anyone expected.

Why do people laugh at stupid jokes?

Because the joke is so silly that laughing feels easy and safe. Once one person laughs, the rest of the group often follows, and by then they're laughing at each other as much as at the joke.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.