Bad jokes so bad they're good: terrible puns and bad dad jokes

A bad joke is funny because it's bad. The pun is obvious, the punchline shows up a second after you saw it coming, and the person telling it is far too pleased with themselves. You groan first and laugh second, partly at the joke and mostly at them. The lists go from bad jokes that are funny because they're bad to terrible puns, lame and corny one-liners, the worst jokes of all time, bad dad jokes and anti-jokes. The last part is about telling one well.

An example: "Pigeons," Leopold said, "always return to the scene of the crumb." He'd been saving that line for five minutes, ever since Solveig brushed her sandwich crumbs onto the gravel and two gray pigeons started walking circles in front of the bench. He spread both arms wide, with the grin of a man who expects a standing ovation. Solveig put her face in both hands. Through her fingers came the sound she makes at every one of his puns, a groan with a laugh stuck in the middle of it. He kept his arms out until she gave up and laughed out loud.

Bad jokes that are funny because they're bad

Each of these is short enough to finish before anyone can stop you.

• "Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable."
• "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
• "Why don't eggs tell each other jokes? They'd crack each other up."
• "What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear."
• "I'm reading a book about glue. I can't put it down."
• "What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."

The paper one works best if you start a different joke, stop halfway and look troubled.

For a laugh with no pun in it at all, stupid jokes has absurd jokes and dumb riddles with dumb answers.

Terrible puns, the more painful the better

A terrible pun bends a word until it nearly snaps, and the further it bends, the louder people groan.

• "Seagulls fly over the sea. If they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."
• "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
• "There's a rumor going around about butter. I'd better not spread it."
• "What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator."
• "What do you call a dinosaur with a huge vocabulary? A thesaurus."
• "The man who invented the knock-knock joke won the no-bell prize."

Lame jokes and corny jokes, short enough for a text

Lame jokes are the ones you send a friend at 7:40 in the morning with no explanation. Corny weather jokes count double on a gray day.

• "I tried to catch some fog this morning. I mist."
• "What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud."
• "Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees."
• "Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged."
• "Why did the toast look so worried? It was in a jam."
• "Why did the orange stop halfway up the hill? It ran out of juice."

The worst jokes of all time

These are the old shapes, told in new words. They're bad in exactly the right way, and somebody's uncle still tells each of them every winter.

• The bicycle. "Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own? It's two tired."
• The moon. "Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there's no atmosphere."
• The atom. "Never trust an atom. They make up everything."
• The time traveler. "I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it."
• The scarecrow. "Why did the scarecrow get a prize? He was outstanding in his field."
• The fruit flies. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

If you groaned at one of these before you got to the end, that's how it's meant to go.

Bad dad jokes for any day of the year

A dad joke is a bad joke told with total confidence, by a dad or by anyone with the habit. For the day he gets to hear them back, Father's Day jokes has jokes about his habits and a set he'll steal from you. These ones fit any other day.

• "When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent."
• A grown son texts, "I'm bored." The reply comes in a second: "Hi, Bored. I'm Dad."
• "I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction."
• "I don't trust those trees. They look shady."
• "Why was the robot so tired after the road trip? It had a hard drive."
• "What do you call a fish in a bow tie? Sofishticated."
• Ask him to make you a sandwich. He waves a hand and says, "Poof. You're a sandwich."

On a birthday, birthday jokes has dad jokes about the cake, the candle and the song.

Anti-jokes that end flat on purpose

An anti-joke sets you up for a pun and then hands you the plain truth. You were braced for a twist, it never came, and that's what you groan at.

• "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side."
• "What's brown and sticky? A stick."
• "What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint."
• "Why do birds fly south for the winter? It's too far to walk."
• "Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says, 'It's getting hot in here.' The other says, 'A talking muffin!'"
• "A man walks into a library and asks for a book. The librarian hands him one. He reads it. It's a good book."

Anti-jokes suit anyone who likes dry humor or a cynical remark, since they run on the same flat voice and blank face.

Why a bad joke still gets a laugh

A good joke surprises you. A bad joke lets you see the ending coming from across the room, and that's half the fun. You get to feel clever for spotting the pun early. Then you get to groan, which is your way of joining in. The teller was hoping for that groan, so now the two of you are in on it together.

A bad joke also costs nothing. Nobody needs quick wit to tell one, so anyone can have a go, even the friend who never tells jokes. The joke itself is the target, so nobody else has to be. If you'd like to get funnier, a terrible pun is a good place to start, because it's easier to deliver than a clever one.

How to tell a bad joke

1. Commit to it. Tell it as if it's the best joke you've ever heard. A bad joke told shyly is just a bad joke. Told with total confidence, it turns into a little show.
2. Pause before the last word. Give them a second to see it coming. That second is where the groan starts to build.
3. Never apologize. Skip the "sorry, that was terrible." They know. Saying it for them takes away the part they enjoy, which is telling you themselves.
4. Enjoy the groan. Stand there and take it, the way Leopold kept his arms out on the bench. A proud grin works better than laughing at your own line.

At work, one bad joke a day is about right, and work jokes has one ready for every workday.

Keep the groan aimed at words

A bad joke is a small treat. You hand someone a groan and a reason to roll their eyes at you, and they get to hand it right back. It goes wrong only when the joke lands on a person. A pun about bagels hurts nobody. A "joke" about someone's accent or cooking, told in the same proud voice, is unkind, and the pun stuck on top doesn't change that.

So keep the target on words, food, weather and objects, and on yourself if you like. If you'd want to check who's in the room before you tell it, the joke is about someone, and it can stay untold. And if one friend truly hates puns, let them off and save the best ones for the loudest groaners.

Secret pun lovers and honest pun haters

Some people groan at every pun and would be hurt if you stopped. Others truly can't stand them, and their groan means please stop. Which group someone falls into often follows their personality type. Here are eight of the 16 types:

• Ideator groans the loudest and is already building a worse pun on top of yours before the groan is over.
• Harmonizer gives a soft, kind groan so the teller feels the joke landed, and is secretly pleased by any pun that hurts nobody.
• Mentor turns the groan into a scene, with a hand on the forehead, then retells your joke at the next dinner as a story about you.
• Inspector can't stand a pun with a sloppy setup and may point out that seagulls fly over bays all the time. A tidy pun gets a small, real smile.
• Dreamer starts smiling before the punchline because the teller's face gives it away, and loves the gentle ones about animals and weather.
• Strategist truly dislikes puns and says so, but enjoys an anti-joke, because a joke that refuses to be a joke is their kind of joke.
• Entrepreneur can't stand a long setup. Make it one line and they'll laugh. Make it three and they'll ask where this is going.
• Encourager collects the worst puns of the week and saves them for the friend who groans the hardest.

Type theory describes leanings, and real friends will surprise you. None of this is advice about a particular person. Watch their face more than their type, and if you see a grin behind the groan, keep going.

On the bench, Leopold showed his Ideator side. He had the next pigeon pun ready before Solveig lowered her hands.

What your groan says about your type

Whether you groan and grin or groan and leave the room says something about how your mind likes to play. Typeza describes your personality type, and then the relationship type you share with someone else, like the friend who sends you terrible puns, and why their humor fits yours or rubs against it. Start with the free personality test. Your result page has a link to invite that friend, so the two of you can see how you get along.

Questions people ask

What is a bad joke that is actually funny?

"Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable." A bad joke is funny when the pun is obvious and the teller is proud of it. The groan and the laugh arrive together.

What is the worst joke ever?

Nobody keeps an official list, but the chicken that crossed the road to get to the other side is a strong candidate. It was in print by 1847, in a New York magazine called The Knickerbocker. It's an anti-joke: you expect a pun, and the answer is simply true.

What is a good bad dad joke?

"When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent." Say it with a straight face, pause before the last word and don't apologize.

Why do people like bad jokes?

Everyone is in on them. You see the pun coming, you groan, and the groan is a way of laughing along with the person who told it. Nobody gets hurt, and anyone can tell one.

What is a good lame joke to text someone?

"I tried to catch some fog this morning. I mist." Short, corny jokes work well by text, because the other person can groan without anyone watching.

Sources

• Wikipedia, "Why did the chicken cross the road?": in print in The Knickerbocker in 1847, and an example of anti-humor.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.