Father's Day jokes: dad jokes for the day he gets to hear them back

Good Father's Day jokes are short, kind and easy to say out loud. Once a year, the roles swap and Dad is the one who groans. The jokes here tease his habits and leave the man himself alone: the thermostat, the parking spot, the garage, the directions, the naps and his spot at the grill. There's also a set of dad jokes he'll steal from you, and a few notes on telling one with a straight face.

An example: Paige sat down next to her dad, Doug, on the front porch step on Father's Day morning. She had been saving the joke since Tuesday. "Dad, I've been working on a joke about porch steps," she said. "I'm taking it one step at a time." Doug put a hand on his forehead and groaned, and the grin came through anyway. Paige was laughing too hard at her own joke to see it. By lunch he had told it to the neighbor across the street, word for word, as if he'd made it up himself.

Short Father's Day jokes to start the day

Say any of these over breakfast, on the porch or at the start of a call. Each fits in one breath.

• "Happy Father's Day, Dad. You taught me everything I know, so this joke is partly your fault."
• "I was going to bring you breakfast in bed, Dad, but you've been up since six watering the lawn."
• "Dad's favorite sound is a seat belt clicking at the exact time he said we'd leave."
• "What's Dad's favorite day of the year? The day the clocks change, because he gets to set every clock in the house."
• "Dad, I didn't get my sense of humor from you. I got it from years of listening to everyone groan at yours."
• "Happy Father's Day to the man who answers 'Where's Mom?' with 'What do you need?'"

Jokes about Dad's habits

A habit he's proud of makes the best target. He'll laugh because it's true, and then he'll defend it, which is half the fun.

At the thermostat

• "Dad can hear someone touch the thermostat from the driveway, with the car running."
• "Our house has two temperatures: the one Dad set, and the wrong one."
• "Dad checks the thermostat on his way to bed, on his way back from bed and once more in the morning, to see if it moved overnight."

In the parking lot

• "Dad parks like he's being graded."
• "Dad will circle the lot twice for a spot in the shade, then tell you the walk did him good."
• "Ask Dad where he parked and you get the row, the number and which way the car is facing."

In the garage

• "Dad drew an outline of every tool on the garage wall, so each one knows where to go home at night."
• "Borrow a screwdriver from Dad and he'll tell you to bring it back. Bring it back and he'll ask what took so long."
• "Dad keeps a jar of odd screws for the day one of them fits something. He's been waiting thirty years, and he's still sure."

On the road

• "Dad still gives directions by places that closed years ago. 'Turn left where the old hardware store used to be.'"
• "Dad trusts the map on his phone right up until it disagrees with him."
• "Dad never takes a wrong turn. He takes a longer right one."

On the couch

• "Dad isn't asleep. He's resting his eyes, and his eyes are snoring."
• "Turn off the TV while Dad is resting his eyes and he'll sit up to tell you he was watching that."
• "Dad's five-minute rest is measured on his own clock. Nobody else owns a clock that slow."

At the grill

• "Dad will stand at the grill in any weather. When it rains, he holds the umbrella over the grill."
• "Ask Dad how long until the food is ready and he says 'ten minutes.' He has said ten minutes at that grill since I was in grade school."

Dad jokes he will tell back

These follow the classic dad joke shape: a short setup, a pun at the end and a groan from everyone in earshot. Tell him one and he'll act hurt, then use it on the next person who walks through the door.

• "Why is the fence so tired? It's been up all night."
• "Dad's favorite tool is the level. It never takes sides."
• "I asked the tape measure for advice. It said, 'Don't give an inch.'"
• "The garage clock runs ten minutes fast. Dad says it's ahead of its time."
• "Why did the lawn mower win an award? It was a cut above the rest."
• "The hammer and the nail get along great. They hit it off right away."
• "The wheelbarrow asked Dad for a day off. He told it to push through."

He'll groan at every one. Then listen for the hammer joke at the next family dinner, told as his own.

For the rest of the year, bad jokes has terrible puns and bad dad jokes to keep him groaning, and stupid jokes has dumb riddles to try on him.

Telling Dad a joke with a straight face

Dad jokes live on deadpan. Say the setup as if you're reading him the grocery list, wait a beat before the last word, and don't smile until he does.

Pick your moment. A joke lands better while he's doing the thing it's about: the parking joke in the parking lot, the thermostat joke while his hand is still on the dial.

Paige broke the last rule on the porch, and it still worked. A grown daughter laughing at her own joke was half of what Doug wanted from the morning anyway.

In a card, one joke and one sincere sentence under it is plenty, and our Father's Day messages have that sincere sentence if you're stuck.

For words that are warmer than a pun, try our dad quotes, and a joke that sticks can turn into a name from our nicknames for Dad. If the laughing moves out to the yard, our Father's Day games keep it going all afternoon. Mom gets her turn each May with our Mother's Day jokes.

The groaner and the storyteller, by type

Some dads groan at a pun and repeat it within the hour. Others would rather hear a story about something that really happened, with the family filling in the details. Type theory offers a few hints about which dad you have. Here are eight of the 16 types:

• Vitalizer laughs loudest at a joke about what he's doing right now, like standing at the grill, and answers with one of his own before you've finished.
• Inspector likes a dry pun said straight. He may correct a fact in the setup first, then repeat the joke word for word a week later.
• Dreamer would rather hear a story than a pun, like the time the family got lost on the way to the lake, told slowly and with the mood of the day in it.
• Strategist groans at a pun and then explains why it works. A clever twist pleases him more than a silly one.
• Entrepreneur is the dad who steals the joke. He groans, laughs and has told it to three people by dinner, slightly improved.
• Organizer enjoys teasing about his systems, like the tool outlines or the parking, as long as the joke admits the system works.
• Counselor laughs hardest at a joke that shows you remember something about him, like a story from a trip he took you on years ago.
• Encourager laughs before the punch line and asks you to tell it again when your brother walks in.

Type theory describes common tendencies, not rules, and your dad's sense of humor is his own. Nothing here is advice about him or your family.

What you and your dad have in common

Some dads and their grown kids laugh at the same jokes, and some mostly laugh at each other. On Typeza you can see the relationship type you share with your dad, with the easy parts and the parts where you each give a little. Start by taking the free family compatibility test yourself, then send him the link from your result page.

Questions people ask

What dad joke can I tell my dad?

One with the classic shape: a short setup and a pun at the end. "Dad's favorite tool is the level, because it never takes sides" is the kind he'll groan at and then tell back.

Is it okay to tease Dad on Father's Day?

Yes, if the joke is about a habit he's proud of and stays away from his looks or his age. Kind teasing shows him you've been paying attention.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.