Best man speech: how to write one that fits your friend or brother

A good best man speech runs three to five minutes and has four parts: who you are and how you know the groom, one story that shows the kind of man he is, what you've seen the couple bring out in each other, and a warm close that asks the guests to wish them well. It should sound like you talking to a friend. Most of it should be about him and his new wife, and very little about you.

An example: Dez has known Reid since they were nineteen and shared a tiny apartment with an oven that never worked. When Reid asked him to be best man, Dez said yes on the spot and then slept badly for a month. His first draft ran eleven minutes and had six inside jokes. His sister read it and handed it back. "Pick one story," she said. "The one where he's at his best." On the day, under the strings of lights in the garden, Dez stood up with four small cards and told about the night Reid drove three hours in the rain to change his flat tire. Then he turned to the bride. "Laila, he's been a good friend to me for fifteen years. Since he met you, he's been a happier one." Laila laughed and rested her hand on Reid's arm, and Reid laughed into his hand. The whole speech took four minutes.

The four parts of a short speech

Many good speeches follow the same simple shape.

1. Who you are. One or two sentences with your name and how you know him. "I'm Dez. Reid and I met at nineteen, when we shared an apartment with an oven that never once worked."
2. One story. A single moment that shows who he is, told in under a minute.
3. The two of them. What has changed in him since he met his partner, and what the two of them bring out in each other. Talk to her directly here, and welcome her into your circle if that fits.
4. The close. A warm wish, then an invitation to the room. "Please join me in wishing Reid and Laila a long and happy life together."

Give most of your time to the story. The third part is the one people remember, because it turns a story about him into a story about the two of them. Keep marriage advice for the card, where advice for newlyweds has plenty to choose from.

Choosing the one story

The story carries the speech, so take your time choosing it. A good one shows a quality the couple will recognize, such as loyalty, patience or turning up when it counts. It can be told in under a minute. It works for his grandmother and for guests who have never met him, and it has one small funny detail, so people laugh with him and not at him.

Leave out anything about past partners, anything that would embarrass him or his family, and stories from wild nights out. Inside jokes lose most of the room. Ask yourself whether you'd be happy to tell this story with his mother standing next to you.

Lines for a best friend

When the groom is your friend, the speech is partly about why you picked each other years ago. A few lines to borrow or bend:

• "I've known Reid for fifteen years. He's helped me move four times and never once let me pay for the pizza."
• "Every friend group has one person who remembers everyone's birthday. In ours, it's the groom."
• "Laila, you're marrying a man who shows up. I've tested it at two in the morning, and he's never failed."

If your friendship is the kind people call a bromance, say so with a smile and move on to the couple.

Lines for your brother

A brother's speech has a whole family behind it, which gives you a little more room for warmth and gentle teasing.

• "I'm Sam, Reid's younger brother. He did everything first, so I always knew what not to try."
• "I shared a room with him for twelve years. Laila, I can confirm he snores. I can also confirm he's the most loyal person I know."
• "Mom always said he'd find someone who laughs at his jokes. She never said it would be someone this much smarter than him."
• "Today our family gets bigger, and I'm really glad it's you, Laila."

For his birthday, there are lines of a different kind in happy birthday, brother.

A sample best man speech

Here's a full speech of about two minutes to adapt.

"Good evening, everyone. For those who don't know me, I'm Dez, and I've been Reid's friend since we were nineteen and shared an apartment with an oven that never worked.

"One rainy night a few years ago, I got a flat tire three hours from home. I called Reid at eleven. He didn't ask why I had no spare. He just said, 'Send me your location.' At two in the morning his headlights came round the bend. He changed the tire, handed me a sandwich and drove home again. That's Reid. He shows up, and he never makes you feel bad about needing him.

"Then he met Laila. Laila, since you came along he laughs more, and he plans holidays now, with maps. He's been a good friend for fifteen years, and since he met you, he's been a happier one. You're the person he'd drive three hours for, and I know you'd do the same for him.

"So please, everyone, join me in wishing Reid and Laila a long life full of good days. And a working oven."

Fit the speech to the groom

A speech lands best when it suits the man you're talking about. Some grooms love being teased in front of a crowd, and others would rather hear one sincere sentence and sit down. Here's how differently eight of the 16 types take it.

• Ideator enjoys a clever line and a story about one of his wilder ideas. Keep it quick.
• Vitalizer loves warm words said out loud and a room laughing together. Tell him in front of everyone how much he means to you.
• Analyst cringes at a long tribute. One precise, honest sentence will mean more to him than five minutes of praise.
• Commander likes a story where he took charge and got something done. Keep it brisk, since he may be timing you.
• Diplomat wants energy and a good punchline, as long as he comes out of the story looking good.
• Strategist is private. Tell how he thinks ahead, and leave his feelings for him to share.
• Guardian values loyalty above nearly everything, so tell about a time he stood by someone.
• Craftsman dislikes fuss. A short story about something he built or fixed for someone says enough.

Reid is a Guardian, which is why the flat tire story worked so well.

Nervous speaker or natural performer

Your own style matters as much as his. If you dread speaking in public, write the speech out in full, then shrink it to a few words per card. Say it out loud five or six times, standing up, and keep it near three minutes. When your voice shakes, look at the couple, because they're on your side.

If you love a microphone, decide where you'll stop and stick to it. Cut half the jokes and keep the best two. Check that the couple is the subject of most of your sentences and that the funniest line isn't at anyone's expense. To see where you'll likely fall in the evening, our page on wedding speeches shows the usual order.

Find out what keeps you and the groom close

Long friendships often pair a planner with someone who plans nothing, and type helps explain why they last. Start with the free friendship compatibility test. When you have your result, send the groom the link. After he finishes, your relationship type shows what keeps two people like you close and where you tend to rub.

Questions people ask

How long should a best man speech be?

Three to five minutes, or roughly 400 to 650 words at an easy pace. Under two minutes can feel rushed, and past six people start looking at the cake. Practice with a timer at least twice.

How do you start a best man speech?

Say your name and how you know the groom in a sentence or two. A short, kind line about the day helps you settle before the story.

How do you end a best man speech?

Turn to the couple, say one sincere wish and invite the guests to join you in wishing them well.

Does the best man have to give a speech?

It's a long custom, but nobody is forced. If speaking would spoil the day for you, tell the couple early so someone else can speak or you can share a few lines with another friend. Our guide to wedding party roles lists the other ways a best man helps on the day.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.