Questions to get to know someone, sorted by how well you know them

Good questions to get to know someone fit how well you know them. Start with light questions about their life right now. After a few talks, ask what they like and where they come from. Keep questions about what shaped them for when there's trust. Below are questions for each stage, and for a new friend, a coworker, a neighbor and a partner.

Two front steps on Alder Street

An example: Yusuf, 34, moved into a narrow brick townhouse on Alder Street one spring. The first thing he carried in was a wooden crate of potted herbs, and he sat down beside it on the front step, too tired to find it a better spot. On the next step over, Glen, 58, was watering a row of white geraniums. He had lived in that house for 26 years.

Their first talk was about parking, and which side of the street gets swept on Tuesdays. A couple of months later, Glen asked what made Yusuf pick this street, and Yusuf told him about the smell of bread that drifts over the rooftops from the bakery at six in the morning. One evening that autumn, each sitting out on his own step after dark, Glen asked what Yusuf missed most about the town he grew up in. The answer took an hour.

Neither of them planned a single question. Each one simply fit how well they knew each other by then. That's most of the skill.

Match the question to how well you know them

A question that feels warm between old friends can feel nosy from someone you met ten minutes ago. A rough guide:

• First conversation: light questions about right now, like what keeps them busy or what they did on the weekend.
• A few talks in: what they like, who they spend time with and where they come from.
• Real trust: what shaped them, what they want and what they'd change.

When you aren't sure, ask the lighter one. If it gets a long story, you can go one step deeper next time. If most of your talking happens in messages, how to get to know someone has a part on doing it over text.

Easy questions for a first conversation

Simple questions work best here. They're easy to answer, nothing about them is personal, and each one leaves room for a follow-up.

1. What's taking up most of your free time these days?
2. What's a place around here you'd send a visitor to?
3. What did you get up to last weekend?
4. Have you found a good place to eat around here yet?
5. What's something you've gotten into lately?
6. Which day of the week do you like best, and why that one?
7. What brought you to this part of town?
8. Who here did you know before today?
9. Is this your first time at one of these?
10. Did you grow up near here, or did you move from somewhere else?
11. Got anything fun planned for the next few weeks?
12. What do you like to do when the weather turns bad on a weekend?
13. What's the last outing you went on that was worth the trip?

Silly get to know you questions for adults

A funny question takes the pressure off. Nobody worries about a wrong answer when the question is about a talking animal.

1. What's a small talent of yours that has never once been useful?
2. Which household chore would you give up forever if you could?
3. If you had to wear one outfit every day for a year, what would it be?
4. What's a food you'll defend even though everyone around you hates it?
5. If animals could talk, which one would be the rudest?
6. If you could swap jobs with anyone in town for a day, who would it be?
7. What's the oddest thing you've agreed to do for a friend?
8. Which kitchen gadget do you think is completely pointless?
9. If you had to bring the same dish to every potluck from now on, what would it be?
10. What's a word you spell wrong every single time?
11. What's the most pointless argument you've ever won?
12. If you could rename one month of the year, what name would you pick?
13. What's a strange little rule you live by that nobody else seems to follow?

Questions to ask a new friend

You've met a few times, you like each other, and now you want more than the basics. These questions help you see what their life looks like day to day.

1. What does a good Saturday look like for you?
2. Who are the people you see most these days?
3. What kind of plans do you say yes to right away?
4. Which small thing reliably makes your day better?
5. Is there a place nearby you keep meaning to try?
6. How did you get into the work you do?
7. What do your friends usually come to you for?
8. What's a hobby you dropped and sometimes think about picking up again?
9. In your friend group, do you make the plans or show up for them?
10. How did you spend the last day you had nothing planned?
11. Which of your friends have you known the longest, and how did you meet?
12. What could you teach someone in an afternoon?
13. Do you keep in touch by calling, texting or meeting up?

Turning a few good talks into a real friendship takes more than questions, and making friends as an adult covers that part.

Questions to get to know someone better

This is the friend of a friend, or the person you see every week at the climbing wall. You know their name and a few facts, and you'd like more.

1. How did that thing you mentioned last time turn out?
2. What's something about you that tends to surprise people?
3. What were you like in your early twenties?
4. Where did you live before this, and what was it like?
5. What's a habit you picked up from someone in your family?
6. What's been on your mind most this month?
7. Which old job taught you the most?
8. Which choice from recent years are you most glad you made?
9. Who in your life makes you laugh the most?
10. What's a skill you're learning right now, slowly?
11. Which place feels most like home to you, and why?
12. What would your oldest friend say hasn't changed about you since the day you met?
13. How do you spend an evening that's all yours?

Questions for a coworker

At work, ask about life outside the job and leave targets and reviews out of it. These fit a lunch break or the few minutes before a meeting starts.

1. What did you do before you landed here?
2. Where do you go when you need to get out of the building at lunch?
3. What helps you switch off after work?
4. What are you into that nobody at work knows about?
5. What's the best advice you've had from someone you worked with?
6. What gets you going in the morning before work?
7. Which part of your job would surprise your friends?
8. How do you spend your lunch break when it's sunny out?
9. What's a work habit you picked up at your very first job?
10. Did anything good happen over the weekend?
11. Do you have any time off coming up, and where are you hoping to go?
12. What's the best team you've ever been part of, at work or anywhere else?
13. How do you get here each day, and do you enjoy the trip?
14. Which coworker from an old job do you still keep in touch with?
15. Outside work, what would you like to get better at?

For lighter ones to start the morning, question of the day has a set of fun questions for work.

Questions for a new neighbor

Neighbors have one easy subject built in: the place you share. Start there and let it widen, the way it did for Glen and Yusuf.

1. How long have you lived on this street?
2. What's changed around here since you moved in?
3. Who else nearby should I get to know?
4. Where do you go for a walk around here?
5. What do you like best about living here?
6. What's the best time of day on this street?
7. Which local spot do you wish more people knew about?
8. What happens on this street when the weather warms up?
9. How did you get your plants to grow so well?
10. Is there a local event each year that you never miss?
11. Who do you call when something breaks in the house?
12. Where's the best place to watch the sunset around here?
13. What made you choose this street when you moved?
14. Is that your cat I keep seeing on the garden wall?
15. What's the one thing a newcomer here should know?

Questions for a partner in the first months

Early on, you're still learning each other's ordinary life. Keep it curious and light, and save the big talks for later.

1. What's a normal Sunday like for you?
2. Which family tradition would you want to keep going?
3. Who's the first friend you'd call when something good happens?
4. Is there a place from your past you'd like to show me?
5. How do you like to recharge after a long week?
6. What did weekends look like in your family growing up?
7. What's a meal that tastes like home to you?
8. Which friend of yours should I meet first?
9. What does a slow morning look like for you?
10. Where's a place you've wanted to go for years?
11. What's a small thing that makes you feel looked after?
12. When things go your way, how do you mark it?
13. What's a habit of yours I'll notice sooner or later?
14. Who in your family are you closest to?
15. What's a skill we could learn side by side this year?

Going deeper once there's trust

When the light questions start getting long answers and you've both shared something real, you can ask about what shaped them. Four to start with:

1. What did you believe in your twenties that you don't believe now?
2. Who taught you the most about how to treat people?
3. What's a turn your life took that you didn't see coming?
4. What are you quietly working toward right now?

For longer lists, see deep questions to ask friends and deep questions to ask your partner. If you've known them for years, try questions to ask your best friend, and for a longer talk without a list, see deep conversation topics.

What to listen for in their answers

The answer itself matters less than how it comes out. Notice which question gets a long story and which gets one word. A long story means the topic matters to them, so come back to it another day. A short answer can mean the question came too soon, not that the person is closed.

Watch what they ask back, too. Someone who returns your question wants the talk to go both ways. Some people turn this into a game of 21 questions, but five good ones with real follow-ups often get further.

Why some people open up through questions and others through doing things

Some people answer a direct question in full the first time. Others say more while you cook together, fix a bike or walk somewhere side by side. Personality type explains part of this. Here are six of the 16 types:

• Ideator loves a strange what-if and will run with it for half an hour. A question about their own feelings may come back as a joke at first.
• Vitalizer opens up fast and asks as many questions as they answer, most of all over a shared meal or at a party.
• Inspector answers questions about facts readily and keeps the personal side back until you've kept your word a few times.
• Dreamer talks most easily one on one, somewhere calm, about people and moods.
• Strategist warms up to questions about plans and ideas, and says little about feelings until trust is there.
• Organizer often shares more on a long drive, or while you help with a task, than in a sit-down talk.

These are typical patterns, not rules about any one person. If someone keeps giving one-word answers, try doing something together and ask again later.

See how the two of you tend to get along

Questions tell you about a person. Typeza shows something else: the relationship type between your personality and theirs, with what tends to come easily and where you may need patience. It describes typical patterns, not what will happen between you. Take the free compatibility test and send your result to the new friend, coworker or neighbor you're getting to know.

Questions people ask

How do you get to know someone on a deeper level?

Go one step at a time. Start light, then ask where they come from and who shaped them, and answer your own questions too. Deeper questions land best once the other person has seen you listen.

What are 10 questions to get to know someone?

Try these: What takes up your free time? What did you do last weekend? Where would you take a visitor here? What's a good Saturday for you? Who do you see most? What do friends come to you for? What surprises people about you? Where did you live before? What were you like in your early twenties? What are you working toward right now?

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.