What to write in a wedding card, by how well you know the couple

What to write in a wedding card comes down to four short parts. Congratulate the couple by name, say one true thing about the two of them together, wish them well for the years ahead, and sign off warmly. How well you know them decides how much goes into each part. A close friend can fill the card with a memory, and a guest who met them once can write two kind sentences and be just as right.

An example: at Rosa and Sam's wedding, the card box sat by the door all evening, and by the time the cake came around, Nell's card was still blank. She sat at table nine with a pen in her hand. Nell had shared an apartment with Rosa for six years, so she had far too much to say. Beside her, her boyfriend Tom rested his chin on his hand. He had met the couple once, at a barbecue, and was meant to add a line under hers. On her other side sat Walt, Sam's neighbor for twenty years, who had written his own card in the car. Over his cake, he laughed and recited it: "Sam, my ladder is yours to borrow for life now. Rosa, please make sure it comes back." Nell picked one memory and started writing. Tom stared at the space under her words for ten minutes, then wrote six.

Four parts of a wedding card message

Here is the shape, with lines from Nell's card.

1. Congratulate them by name. "Congratulations, Rosa and Sam!"
2. Say one thing about them as a couple. Pick something you have seen yourself. "Sam, I've never seen anyone get Rosa onto a dance floor before ten o'clock."
3. Wish them well for the years ahead. "I hope your life together is full of slow Sunday breakfasts and trips you plan badly and love anyway."
4. Sign off. "All my love, Nell."

The couple will read the second line twice, so spend most of your time there. If you heard them read their own vows that afternoon, picking up one small promise makes a lovely second line.

Wedding card messages by who you are to the couple

The closer you are, the more personal the card can get.

From a close friend

You've watched this relationship from the start. Name a moment only you could tell, as long as their grandparents could happily read it too.

• "Six years of sharing an apartment with you taught me what a good partner looks like. Sam, you passed every test I never told you about."
• "I remember the night you came home and said you'd met someone who reads the last page first. Congratulations to you both."
• "You two make even the grocery run look like fun. I hope it stays that way for fifty years."

From family

For a daughter's or son's wedding card, tell them what you saw in them today and welcome their new partner by name.

• "I've known you your whole life and never seen you this calm. Sam, welcome to the loud side of the family." (a brother or sister)
• "Watching you two today, I finally stopped worrying. We love you both, and we're proud of the home you're making." (a parent)
• "Welcome to the family, Sam. There's a seat at our Sunday dinners with your name on it now." (to a new son-in-law or daughter-in-law)
• "Fifty-one years of marriage taught us one thing: keep laughing at the same jokes. You two already do." (grandparents)

Long-married relatives often add marriage advice. One line is plenty, and our advice for newlyweds shows why the same tip can suit one couple and miss another.

From a neighbor

A neighbor's card can be short and local. Mention the street, the fence or a favor you trade, like Walt's ladder.

• "From the house with the blue door: congratulations! The whole street is happy for you."
• "Congratulations to our favorite neighbors. We'll keep waving over the fence for many years to come."
• "We watched you two plant that garden together last spring. Wishing you many more seasons of it."

From a plus-one, or a guest who barely knows them

Knowing what to say in a wedding card is hardest when you barely know the couple. You can skip the memory. Thank them for having you, say something kind about the day and wish them well. Check the place cards first, so you spell both names right.

• "Thank you for having me. It was a joy to celebrate with you both."
• "It was lovely to meet you properly today. Wishing you a long and happy life together."
• "The two of you looked so happy, and it made the whole room smile. Congratulations!"

When you can't be at the wedding

Mail the card so it arrives a few days before the wedding, or send it with a friend who's going. Say once that you're sorry to miss it, then make the rest of the card about them.

• "I'm so sorry to miss your day. At three o'clock I'll be thinking of you both, and I can't wait to see the photos."
• "Congratulations from two thousand miles away. Let's have dinner the week I'm back in town."
• "I'm sad to miss it and so happy for you. Please save me one photo of the first dance."

A year later, a short message on the date shows you remembered, and these anniversary wishes for a couple have lines for it.

Short wedding wishes, and funny lines that stay kind

Short lines suit a card the whole group signs.

• "Best wishes on your wedding day and every day after it."
• "Wishing you a lifetime of happy, ordinary days."
• "So glad you found each other."

A funny line works when the joke is about the couple's little habits. Keep the marriage itself as the happy part, and leave out lines that treat it as a trap. After the joke, add one warm sentence so the card still says what you feel.

• "Congratulations on finding someone who laughs at all your jokes, even the old ones."
• "May your biggest argument always be about where the spoons go."
• "Rosa, you're getting someone who can fix anything. Sam, you're getting someone who'll tell you when it's broken."

If the couple has only just got engaged, engagement wishes has lines for that earlier card. And if your words are going under a photo instead, wedding captions has lines for guests.

Sign-offs for a wedding card

The last words before your name set the tone.

• "All my love," for a close friend or family.
• "Warmest wishes," for someone you know a little.
• "With love from next door," for the people across the fence.
• "So happy for you both," which works from anyone.

Long, stuck or joking: how each type fills a card

Many guests fall into one of three habits. The page writer can't bear to cut anything, and the fix is to keep one memory and save the rest for a phone call. The one who freezes does best filling the four parts in order. The joker only needs one plainly sincere sentence at the end. Which habit is yours often follows your personality type. Here are eight of the 16 types.

• Ideator opens with an odd, funny remark about the couple and drifts into what their life might look like in ten years.
• Vitalizer writes fast and warm, with plenty of exclamation marks, and runs out of card first.
• Mentor writes the page, because they see what the two mean to each other and want to say all of it.
• Inspector waits for the proper phrase, checks both names and hands in a neat card on time.
• Diplomat is the joker at the table and saves the sincere line for last.
• Strategist freezes, since they would rather write one true sentence than five pleasant ones.
• Encourager fills a page about who the couple are becoming together.
• Craftsman writes one plain sentence and means every word.

Find out why a few words cost some people ten minutes

A full page for one guest and six words for another is often a matter of type. The free couples compatibility test returns your type, your strong sides and what you need in a partner. Then text your partner your result's link, perhaps on the drive home from the wedding. After they answer, you can both read your relationship type side by side: what flows easily between people like you and the spots where one of you might misjudge the other.

Questions people ask

How long should a wedding card message be?

Two to five sentences fit most cards. A close friend can write more, and a guest who barely knows the couple can stop at two.

When do you give the wedding card?

Leave it in the card box at the reception or hand it to one of the couple. If you can't attend, mail it early enough to arrive before the day.

Do couples reply to wedding cards?

Many couples send a thank-you card to each guest in the months after the wedding. If you're the one who just got married, our guide to thank you card wording has lines for every guest.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.