Father of the groom speech, and the rehearsal dinner toast

A father of the groom speech is a short, warm talk of two to four minutes. Often he gives it at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, because the groom's parents traditionally pay for that meal. At some weddings he also says a few words at the reception, after the father of the bride. The shape is the same in both places. Welcome everyone, say one true thing about your son as the man he is now, welcome the bride and her family, and close with a wish for the two of them.

An example: Hal can talk about anything for twenty minutes, and his son Owen knows it. So two days before the rehearsal dinner, Owen's fiancée Nadia gave Hal a small wooden sand timer. "Three minutes, top to bottom," she said. On Friday evening, in the back room of the little Italian place where the two families had first met, Hal stood at the end of the long table, turned the timer over and set it down by his plate. He welcomed Nadia's parents by name. He told one story about Owen at twenty-six, spending a whole weekend rebuilding a neighbor's broken fence without being asked. Then he turned to Nadia, sitting right beside him. "You gave me three minutes," he said. "I'll use the last ten seconds to say welcome to the family." Nadia clapped, Owen laughed, and there was still sand in the top of the timer.

Rehearsal dinner or the reception?

At the rehearsal dinner, the father of the groom often speaks first, as the host, and many families simply call it the rehearsal dinner toast. The room is smaller and guests have time to listen. Other relatives and close friends may say a few words after him, while the best man and maid of honor tend to save theirs for the wedding day. If you're helping one of them, our guide to the best man speech covers his part.

At the reception, the bride's family usually goes first. The father of the bride often opens, and the groom's father speaks only if the couple asks, and briefly. If you're speaking at both, tell a different story each time and keep the reception one shorter. The full lineup for the day is in our guide to wedding speech order.

Ask the couple early where you fit and how long they'd like you to talk. Then stick to it. If you're also hosting the dinner, our rehearsal dinner guide covers who's invited and how the evening tends to run.

What to cover in three minutes

A good speech from the groom's father has five parts, and most of the time goes to the story and the welcome.

1. A host's welcome. Thank everyone for coming, with a special word for people who traveled far.
2. One story about your son. A moment from his adult life that shows his character.
3. What you've seen change. How he is with his partner, and what she brings out in him.
4. A welcome to the bride and her family. By name, warmly, a sentence or two each.
5. A wish. One line for the couple, then ask everyone to join you in wishing them well.

That's about 400 words at an easy pace. Write it out in full first, then cut it down to a few words per line on a small card.

Saying something true about your son

Guests want to meet the man your son has become. Pick a story from the last few years that shows something people will recognize, like patience, loyalty or the way he turns up for others. Hal chose the fence because it showed Owen in one picture: quiet, stubborn and kind.

Leave out stories that would make him squirm and long tales from years ago. If you're short of words for the man he is, the lines in happy birthday, son might help you find a few.

Then say it plainly. "I'm proud of you" from a father, in front of a room, is a line a son keeps for years.

How to welcome the bride and her family

This is the part only the groom's father can give, and it matters more than any joke. Speak to the bride directly, and then to her parents.

• "Nadia, from the first dinner you came to, you fit at our table. Today I get to say it out loud: welcome to the family."
• "Nadia, you make my son laugh at himself, which none of us ever managed."
• "To Leo and Sara, thank you for raising a daughter who is kind, sharp and very good at keeping Owen on time."

Use names. It shows you mean it.

A short sample to borrow

Here is Hal's speech, roughly two and a half minutes. Put in your own names and your own story, and keep the order.

"Good evening, everyone. I'm Hal, Owen's dad, and tonight Ruth and I are your hosts. Thanks to all of you for coming, especially Nadia's grandparents, who drove six hours to be here.

"A few years ago, a storm knocked down our neighbor's fence. Mrs. Kemp is eighty-one and lives alone. Owen didn't wait to be asked. He turned up on Saturday morning with a toolbox and a borrowed saw, and by Sunday night she had a new fence and a new favorite person. That's my son. He sees what needs doing and does it, and he never makes a fuss about it.

"Then he met Nadia. Nadia, you make him laugh at himself, and you've taught him that a weekend can include rest. Leo and Sara, thank you for raising someone so warm and so sharp, and for welcoming us so kindly at that first dinner.

"Nadia, you've had a seat at our table for two years. From tomorrow it's yours for good. Welcome to the family.

"Please join me in wishing Owen and Nadia a long, happy life together, and a fence that never falls down."

Short and warm, or the storyteller who needs a timer

Some fathers say four sentences and sit down, and the room goes quiet. Others have nine stories ready and need someone to hold up a hand. Here are eight of the 16 types and how they tend to speak.

• Ideator has a story for every year and a side road off every story. Pick one, and let a timer keep you honest.
• Vitalizer fills the room with warmth and may hug the bride's parents mid-speech. Keep the feeling and watch the clock.
• Commander speaks with ease and authority. One soft sentence about how proud he is will mean the most.
• Dreamer may dread the spotlight. A short speech written out in full, about how the day feels, suits him well.
• Entrepreneur likes to talk about what's ahead. Add one story from the past so guests see the son he raised.
• Organizer shows love through what he does and will thank everyone who helped. Let one line say how he feels.
• Counselor speaks gently about character, and his welcome to the bride is often the most moving part of the evening.
• Encourager sees the best in everyone at the table and wants to praise them all. Choose two people, and stop there.

Hal is an Ideator, which is exactly why Nadia bought the timer. For a speech from the other side of the family, see our father of the bride speech.

Find out how you and your son differ

A father who can talk for an hour may have a son who says almost nothing in a crowd, and type can explain part of that gap. The free family compatibility test gives you your own type. Send your son the link from your result. Once he has answered, your relationship type tells you both what comes easily between father and son and the moments you tend to get each other wrong.

Questions people ask

Does the father of the groom give a speech at the wedding?

Sometimes. He most often speaks at the rehearsal dinner as host. At the wedding he speaks if the couple asks, usually briefly and after the father of the bride.

How long should a father of the groom speech be?

Two to four minutes, or about 300 to 500 words. At a rehearsal dinner you can lean toward four, and at the reception toward two.

Can the groom's parents give a speech together?

Yes. One parent can welcome the guests and tell the story, and the other can welcome the bride and give the closing wish.

Who speaks first at a rehearsal dinner?

Usually the host, which is often the groom's father. Other family members and friends may follow, and the couple may say a short thank you at the end.

What should the father of the groom not say?

Skip stories that would embarrass your son or the bride's family, jokes about marriage and long tales from years ago. Keep advice to one sentence.

Sources

• Wikipedia, "Rehearsal dinner": the dinner after the wedding rehearsal, traditionally paid for by the groom's parents.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.