Father of the bride speech: what to say about your daughter

A father of the bride speech is a short, warm talk at the wedding reception, usually three to five minutes long. You thank the guests, tell one story that shows the woman your daughter has become, welcome the groom and his family, and close by asking everyone to wish the couple well. It often opens the speeches, because the bride's family has traditionally been the host.

An example: Martin is not a talker. At family dinners he listens, carves the roast and says maybe four sentences all evening. When his daughter June asked him to speak at her wedding, he nodded and went out to the garage to think. Over three weekends he wrote the speech on one sheet of paper, crossed most of it out and wrote it again. On the day, in a barn hung with white paper lanterns, he held the sheet in both hands and told one story: the night his car broke down two hundred miles from home and June drove out to get him. June laughed with both hands on her heart. The speech lasted two minutes, and his hands only shook for the first one. His full speech is further down.

When is the father of the bride speech given?

At most weddings the father of the bride speaks first, at the reception. Some couples hold the speeches before the meal so the speakers can relax and eat. Others put them between the main course and dessert. The best man and the maid of honor usually follow. In the US, the father of the groom often gives his speech the night before, at the rehearsal dinner.

Ask the couple where you fall in the order and how long they'd like you to speak. Our wedding speech guide lays out the usual order for every speaker. If the bride's mother wants to speak too, the two of you can stand up together. If the bride is speaking as well, our bride speech guide shows where she usually fits.

Thank the guests and welcome the groom's family

Begin the way a host would. Say your name for the guests who don't know you, thank everyone for coming and say a word to those who traveled far. Then turn to the groom's family.

• "To Felix's parents, Anna and Rob: we've shared two dinners and one very long drive, and we're glad to call you family."
• "Felix, you've been at our Sunday table for three years. From today that chair is yours for good."

Keep this part to about thirty seconds. It's a kindness to your new son-in-law, who may well be more nervous than you are.

One story about the woman she has become

The story is the heart of your speech, and it should be about her as an adult. Guests want to hear who she is now, so pick a moment from the last few years that shows her character. It might show her loyalty, her nerve, her humor or a kindness nobody asked of her.

You can nod to her early years in a single line, such as "She's been like this since she could walk." Then let the grown woman carry the story. If you're stuck for words to describe her, the birthday wishes for a grown daughter can lend you a few.

A quiet father and a talkative father

Your own nature shapes the speech as much as hers does. A quiet father does best with a plain speech written out in full, one story and a few sentences of real feeling. When a quiet man stands up and says something from the heart, the room goes still. A talkative father has five stories and a dozen jokes, and he has to choose one of each.

Eight of the 16 types show how differently fathers go about it, listed as on our types page.

• Harmonizer speaks gently and makes every guest feel at home. His thank-you to the two families may be the warmest part of the evening.
• Analyst writes the clearest speech in the room and is tempted to explain too much. One exact story and one plain sentence of love will do.
• Mentor has big feelings and a gift for saying them. He should practice the last line until he can get through it without his voice cracking.
• Inspector prepares early, times himself and keeps to it to the second. He may need reminding that the feeling matters more than the order.
• Diplomat loves a microphone. He should cut his jokes by half and make sure the best line is about her.
• Strategist is private and says little in public. One short, true story, read from the page, is enough.
• Guardian talks about loyalty and family. His welcome to the groom will sound like a promise.
• Craftsman dislikes speeches. Two minutes about something real she did, said simply, suits him and suits the room.

Martin is a Craftsman, and his short, plain speech fits him.

Martin's speech, start to finish

Here's the speech Martin read, about two minutes at an easy pace. Change the names and the story, and keep the shape.

"Good evening, everyone. I'm Martin, June's dad. Thank you all for coming, and a special thank you to everyone who drove in from the coast.

"Last winter my car died two hundred miles from home, late on a Friday night. I called June, because she's the one who answers. An hour and a half later her headlights pulled up behind me. She had a thermos of tea, a blanket and a list of every tow company within fifty miles. She didn't ask why I'd ignored the warning light for a month. She just said, 'Get in, Dad, it's warm.'

"She's been like this since she could walk. She turns up.

"Felix, I've watched how she lights up when you walk into a room, and how you listen when she talks. Anna and Rob, thank you for raising a son who makes my daughter laugh every day.

"June, you'll always have a seat at our table and a dad who picks up the phone. Now you have Felix too.

"Please stand with me and wish June and Felix a long and happy life together. To June and Felix."

How long should a father of the bride speech be?

Three to five minutes suits most weddings, which is about 350 to 600 words read at an easy pace. Past six minutes, guests start glancing at the dessert table. Read it aloud with a timer twice, standing up, and cut whatever you find yourself rushing through.

What to leave out on the day

A father's speech is the one guests expect to be kind. Leave out:

• stories from wild nights out,
• anything about past partners, hers or the groom's,
• long stories from her early years,
• anything that would make her blush for the wrong reason,
• marriage advice beyond a single line. Put the rest in the card, and advice for newlyweds has plenty.

If you're unsure about a line, picture June's grandmother hearing it, and cut it if she'd wince.

A mother of the bride speech, in brief

The bride's mother can speak on her own, right after the father, or share the welcome with him. Her speech follows a similar shape. She thanks the guests for coming, greets the groom's family by name and tells one small story about her daughter. A funny one works well here, such as the year her daughter, aged seven, ran the family's holiday dinner from a clipboard. To close, she can turn to the groom: "Sam, she has organized this family since she could talk. Now she's all yours. Welcome." Keep it to two or three minutes, then invite everyone to stand and wish the couple a happy life together.

A mother of the groom speech, in brief

Some couples ask the groom's mother to say a few words as well. She thanks the bride's family, tells one short story about the man her son has become and welcomes the bride by name. "Mia, I've waited a long time for someone who beats my son at cards. Welcome to the family." Two or three minutes is plenty. If her son's best man speaks right after her, the two can agree beforehand so they don't tell the same story.

See how you and your daughter understand each other

A father often feels more on his daughter's wedding day than he manages to say, and type helps explain why. The free family compatibility test is open to anyone 16 or older. Once you have your result, your daughter can take it through the link it gives you, and then the two of you read about your relationship type, what comes naturally to a father and daughter like you and where you misread each other. The father and daughter relationship is easier to talk about once you share the words for it.

Questions people ask

Does the father of the bride give a speech?

Usually, though it isn't a rule. He often speaks first as the host. If he'd rather not, the bride's mother, both parents together or the bride herself can give the welcome.

How do you write a father of the bride speech?

Write it out in full: a thank-you to the guests, a welcome to the groom's family, one story about your daughter as an adult and a closing wish. Then read it aloud and trim it to about four minutes.

What do you say about your daughter in a wedding speech?

Say what kind of woman she is and show it with one story. A single honest sentence stays with her longer than a list of compliments.

How do you end a father of the bride speech?

Turn to the couple with one warm wish, then ask everyone to stand for the two of them.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.