Long distance friendship: how to keep a friend who lives in another city or country

A long distance friendship is a close friendship between two people who live in different cities or countries and cannot meet without planning. Many of them last for decades. They stay close when both friends find a way of keeping in touch that suits them both, and when they still meet in person now and then. Which way of keeping in touch works best depends on the two of you. Some friends need long talks, some need to do things together, and some need to be in the same room.

Picture this: your best friend's voice message arrives at 6:40 in the morning. She recorded it at midnight in Toronto, on her walk home from a dinner, and it is eleven minutes long. You listen while the kettle boils and laugh out loud in an empty kitchen. You answer on the bus. By the time she wakes up, it is your lunch break.

What is a long distance friendship?

A long distance friendship is one where meeting takes a trip, not a walk. It may be two hours by train or twelve hours by plane. Many begin when one friend moves for study, work or love. Some begin online, and the friends meet in person only later.

The friendship itself is the same as before. What changes is how you keep it. Before, life put you in the same place, and you saw each other without planning it. Now every call and every visit is a choice, and both of you have to make it.

Can a long distance friendship last?

Yes. Many people have a friend in another country who has stayed close for twenty years, with one visit a year and calls in between. Distance does not decide whether a friendship lasts. What decides it is whether both people want it, and whether they find a rhythm of contact they both like.

The hard part is that the rhythm is now a decision. Two friends can love each other and still lose touch, simply because one wanted a weekly call, the other preferred the odd long message, and neither said so. That kind of silence is how out of sight, out of mind comes true for friends who never meant to drift.

What changes when your best friend moves away?

• Small news drops out. You used to hear about the bad coffee at work and the neighbor's loud dog. Now you hear the big news, and the small things that made you feel close go missing.
• Every contact needs a plan. You cannot drop by. A call has to fit two calendars and maybe two time zones.
• Meetings get longer and fewer. Instead of many short evenings, you get a few long visits. A weekend at their place is 48 hours together, which feels very different from dinner and then home.
• Their life fills with people you have never met, and so does yours.
• The one who left and the one who stayed feel it differently. The one who left is busy with everything new. The one who stayed walks the same streets with a gap in them.

How to maintain a long distance friendship

• Agree on a rhythm. A call on the first weekend of each month, or a message every few days, takes the guessing out of it.
• Send the small things. A photo of a terrible sandwich keeps you closer than a monthly summary of your life.
• Use more than one channel. Short texts for the day, voice messages for stories and calls for the big talks.
• Book the next visit before the current one ends. A date in the calendar gives you both something to look forward to.
• Do something together from far away. Watch the same film at the same time, read the same book or play a game online. Many long distance date ideas for couples work between friends too.
• Learn the names in their new life. Ask about their new friends and colleagues by name, so you stay part of their world.
• Agree on hours that work across the time zones, so nobody takes the call half asleep.
• Say it when you miss them. Distance makes it easy to assume they already know. A short thinking of you message takes ten seconds to send.

Paper still works too. A box of open when letters lets your friend hear from you on a rough night, even while you are asleep in another time zone.

How often should long distance friends talk?

There is no right number. Some best friends text every day. Others talk once a month for two hours and pick up exactly where they left off. The right amount keeps both of you feeling close and neither of you feeling guilty.

Trouble starts when the two of you want different amounts. One wants a message every day and the other is happy with a call every few weeks. The first feels forgotten and the second feels pushed. Talk about it once, plainly, and agree on something you both like. Part of that difference comes from the pair you make.

Calls, texts or visits: what does your friendship need?

Typeza grew from socionics, which counts 16 personality types and links any two friends through one of 16 relationship types. Each relationship type runs on something different. Some friends are close because they talk. Some are close because they do things side by side. For some the fit shows only in person. Distance takes some of these away and leaves others alone, so the relationship type tells you where to put your effort.

Friends who live on conversation

An Ideator and an Analyst are in Mirror. The same subjects fascinate them, and each looks at them from a slightly different side. Their friendship was always talk: long evenings about a book, a theory or a wild new plan. A video call gives this pair almost everything a dinner did. For Mirror friends, the call is the friendship, so a fixed time for it is the thing most worth protecting.

Friends who live on doing things

A Vitalizer and an Organizer are in Business. They ran the street party together every summer and helped half their friends move house. They work the same way, so doing things together is easy, and they rarely talk about deep things. After the move, their calls feel thin, because talk was never the core of it. This pair stays close with a new shared task: planning a trip, training for the same race or running a small project together online.

Friends who are best in the same room

A Mentor and an Inspector are in Duality. When they lived close, the Inspector helped the Mentor keep her daily life in order, and the Mentor pulled the Inspector into a warmer, livelier world. Most of what each gives the other happens in ordinary days, and distance takes those away. Calls are good, but something is missing. For dual friends, visits matter most, and a few days in the same flat bring the fit straight back. No relationship type suits a close friend or a partner better, and its gifts need nearness.

Friends who are best in short bursts

A Diplomat and an Entrepreneur are in Activation. A twenty-minute call leaves them both full of plans. Short, frequent contact suits them well. The risk is the long visit, because a week on each other's sofa is a lot of time together for a pair that does best in doses. They do better with a short visit, or a long one with a day apart in the middle.

How to make visits work

A visit carries more weight in a long distance friendship, because it is rare. That makes people plan too much. A packed schedule of sights and dinners leaves little room for what you miss most. When the last day of a visit comes, all good things come to an end looks at how to enjoy it anyway.

• Do ordinary things together. A trip to the supermarket or an evening on the sofa brings back the everyday closeness distance took away.
• Meet their new people. A dinner with their new friends helps you picture their life when you are back home.
• Plan some time apart. Even close friends get tired after days together, and an afternoon alone keeps the visit good to the end.
• Take turns traveling, so the cost and the effort do not always fall on one person.

How to see what keeps your friendship close

Distance does not reveal which pattern you are in, and neither did living next door. Your friend can be on another continent: take the free friendship compatibility test and send them the invite from your result. When they are through, you can both read your relationship type and what keeps it close across the miles. Then you know whether to put your effort into calls, shared plans or the next visit. For how every relationship type feels between friends, read types of friends, and for the rarest fit, what makes a best friend.

Questions people ask

Can long distance friendships last?

Yes, if both friends want it. The miles matter less than finding a way of keeping in touch you both like.

How do you maintain a long distance friendship?

Pick a rhythm you both like, share the small things and book the next visit early. Your relationship type shows whether calls, shared plans or visits matter most for you two.

How often should long distance friends talk?

Whatever amount you both like. If you want different amounts, say so once and agree on a middle you can both keep.

What can long distance friends do together?

Watch a film at the same time, play a game online or plan a trip. Shared tasks matter most for friends who were always close through doing things.

What is a good quote about long distance friendship?

Short lines work best, such as "Far away, still my first call" or "Different time zones, same old jokes." They fit in a card, a message or under a photo from your last visit.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.