Third time's a charm: meaning, origin and when to try again

Is it "third time's a charm" or "third time's the charm"? Both are right, and both mean the same thing: when you've tried something twice and it hasn't worked, the third try often does. Merriam-Webster lists it as "the third time is the charm." Plenty of people say "a charm," and nobody will think it's a mistake.

An example: Ruth asked Kofi, the quietest person in her Tuesday climbing class, to come bowling with her friends. He said he was busy. A month later she asked again, and he said "maybe" and didn't come. On the third try she changed the offer: "Just me and Sam, one lane, home by nine, and nobody keeps score." He came. By his third frame he had a strike, and when the ball rolled back he stood holding it at his chest with a shy grin, while Ruth cheered with both arms in the air and Sam clapped on his other side.

Ruth didn't just ask a third time. She asked differently, and that's most of what the saying gets right.

What the saying promises

"Third time's a charm" is something people say to keep going after two failures, or to celebrate when the third attempt finally works. A "charm" here means a bit of good luck, the kind of thing that makes a plan come off.

You'll hear it in small moments. A cake sinks twice and rises the third time. A parking space turns up on your third lap of the block. People say it before the third try, as hope, and after it, as a small joke at their own expense.

It doesn't promise that a third try will work. It says that two failures aren't a reason to stop yet.

Lucky, charm or pays for all

The saying comes in a few forms, depending on where you live:

• Third time's a charm is the usual American form.
• Third time lucky is the usual British form, and it means the same.
• Three's a charm is a shorter, older-sounding version.
• The third time pays for all is an old British saying with a slightly different idea: one success on the third try makes up for the two failures before it.

How far back the third time goes

The idea is older than the exact words, and the sources don't fully agree on dates.

In Britain, the poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote in an 1839 letter about the luck of a third attempt as if everyone already knew the proverb. A book of Scottish proverbs from 1862 lists "The third time's lucky." The Phrase Finder, a site on phrase origins, found the American "third time's a charm" in print in 1912, in a newspaper called The Weekly Sentinel. Nobody knows whether it grew out of the British form.

Others have found earlier traces. Members of the American Dialect Society's mailing list reported newspaper uses from as far back as 1880, though not every one has been checked, and a 1927 folklore journal recorded "three's a charm" among popular superstitions in Louisiana.

Some websites say the phrase goes back to Shakespeare. No source shows him using it. The closest line is Falstaff's in The Merry Wives of Windsor:

> This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers.

It's the same hope in different words. Where the saying itself started is still unknown.

Why the third try feels different

Three shows up all through old stories. A hero gets three wishes, knocks on three doors or tries three times, and the third one is the one that counts. Two tries feel like bad luck. A third success turns the first two into a story.

There's also a plain reason the third try works more often. By then you've learned something. You know what went wrong twice, so you change the plan. Ruth didn't ask Kofi the same way three times. She made the evening smaller, shorter and easier to say yes to.

A third invitation to a quiet friend

Quiet people often say no to the first invitation, and the second, for reasons that have little to do with you. A big group, a loud room or a night with no clear end can feel like too much. If someone seems to like you but keeps saying no, a third invitation is worth trying, as long as you change the shape of it.

Make it smaller. Give it a clear start and finish. Tell them who will be there. If they still say no, let it rest for a while and keep being friendly in the meantime. Quiet person has more on what the quietest people in a group often need before they join in.

A third date after two stiff ones

Plenty of good couples had an awkward first date. Nerves, a bad table or a long silence over dinner can hide what two people actually have in common. If both dates were stiff but you still felt curious, a third one is reasonable.

Change the setting this time. Pick something side by side, like a walk, a market or a game, so you're not just staring at each other across a table. If the third date still feels like work for both of you, that's your answer, and you can say so kindly.

A third try at fixing a friendship

Maybe you and an old friend fell out. You reached out once and got a short reply. You tried again months later and heard nothing. Should you try a third time?

Often, yes, if the friendship mattered and the silence came from hurt and not from a clear no. Write something short that doesn't ask for anything back: "I still think about you. No pressure to reply, but I'd love to have coffee if you ever want to." How to get your friend back goes through the steps in more detail. If you're wondering whether the friend, or you, can be different this time, can people change is a good next read.

When the third try should be the last

A third try is a fair chance. It isn't a promise of a fourth, fifth and tenth. If someone has said no clearly, or keeps saying no in the same way, a third ask can start to feel like pressure. That goes for invitations, dates and old friends alike.

Ask yourself two things. Did I change something this time, or am I just asking again? And has the other person ever given me a reason to hope? If the answers are no and no, it may be time to let it go. When one door closes, another opens fits that moment. For the other side, the times when it really is worth pushing on, see where there's a will, there's a way.

Who stops at one try, and who keeps going

People differ a lot in how many tries they'll give something, and type plays a part. Here are six, ordered like our types page:

• Vitalizer keeps inviting people, because the more friends at the table, the better. A no doesn't bother them for long.
• Commander treats a no as a puzzle to solve and will happily try ten times.
• Dreamer may stop after one try, worried about being a bother, even when the other person would welcome a second ask.
• Strategist usually thinks hard before a second try and only goes ahead if something has changed.
• Entrepreneur looks at what went wrong and adjusts the offer, much as Ruth did.
• Counselor often takes a no to heart and steps back, even when a third try would be welcome.

If you're the one who gives up after one try, it may help to ask a second and third time with a smaller offer. If you're the one who tries ten times, check that the other person still wants to be asked.

See how you two handle a no

Some friends shrug off a no, while others take it personally, and that gap shapes how a friendship grows. Typeza describes the relationship type you share as friends and what it asks of each of you. Step one is the free friendship compatibility test. Your friend joins through your result.

Questions people ask

What is the British version of third time's a charm?

In Britain, people usually say "third time lucky." It means the same thing.

Is third time's a charm a superstition?

It started as a bit of folk luck, and a 1927 folklore journal listed "three's a charm" among superstitions. Today most people use it as a hopeful phrase, not a belief.

What does the third time pays for all mean?

One success on the third try makes up for the two failures before it.

Sources

• Merriam-Webster, "the third time is the charm". Said when two tries have failed and the third may work.
• Gary Martin, The Phrase Finder, "Third time lucky". Elizabeth Barrett Browning's 1839 letter, Alexander Hislop's Scottish proverbs of 1862 and the 1912 Weekly Sentinel.
• American Dialect Society mailing list, "three time's a charm", 2004. Reports of uses back to 1880 and of "three's a charm" in a 1927 folklore journal.
• William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 5, Scene 1. Falstaff's line about the third time and odd numbers.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.