What is a second cousin? Cousins and "once removed", explained

A second cousin is someone who shares a set of great-grandparents with you, but not grandparents. Your parent and their parent are first cousins. "Once removed" means the two of you are one generation apart, like you and your parent's cousin.

An example: at her cousin's wedding, Mara, who is 31, ended up at a table with a man her age named Leo. "We're related, you know," he said, and she laughed, because she had never seen him before. Then he pointed across the room at Ruth, the woman Mara had called Aunt Ruth her whole life. Leo was Ruth's son. Ruth, it turned out, was not Mara's aunt at all. She was her dad's first cousin. By dessert, Mara and Leo had worked it out on a napkin: Ruth was Mara's first cousin once removed, and Leo was her second cousin.

The quick way to count cousins

Every cousin question comes down to two steps.

1. Find the closest ancestor you share. For first cousins that is a grandparent, for second cousins a great-grandparent, and so on.
2. Count the generations from each of you up to that ancestor. If you both count the same number, you are cousins of the same generation. If the numbers differ, the difference is how many times you are "removed."

The degree of cousin comes from the person with the shorter count. Two steps up to a grandparent makes first cousins, three steps to a great-grandparent makes second cousins, and four steps makes third cousins.

On Mara's napkin, Mara counts three steps up to her great-grandmother, and so does Leo. Same number, so they are second cousins with no removal. Ruth counts two steps to that same great-grandmother, and Mara counts three. The shorter count is two, so they are first cousins, and the difference of one makes it once removed.

First, second and third cousins

First cousins are the children of siblings. You share grandparents. These are the cousins most people mean when they just say "my cousin."

Second cousins are the children of first cousins. You share great-grandparents. Many people know their second cousins only from weddings, funerals and big family reunions.

Third cousins are the children of second cousins. You share great-great-grandparents. Many people never meet theirs, or meet them through a family tree website and an awkward first message.

The pattern keeps going, fourth cousins and beyond, but past third cousins the family link is usually more of a fun fact than a relationship.

What does once removed mean?

"Removed" tells you that two cousins belong to different generations. Once removed means one generation apart, and twice removed means two.

The classic example is your parent's first cousin. You and that cousin sit one generation apart, so they are your first cousin once removed. It works both ways: your first cousin's child is also your first cousin once removed.

Many families skip all of this and call the older cousin an aunt or uncle, like Mara's Aunt Ruth. That is fine at the dinner table. It just stops working the day someone draws a family tree.

A cousin chart in words

Here is how the most common relatives line up, starting from you.

• Your aunt's or uncle's child is your first cousin.
• Your first cousin's child is your first cousin once removed.
• Your first cousin's grandchild is your first cousin twice removed.
• Your parent's first cousin is your first cousin once removed.
• Your grandparent's first cousin is your first cousin twice removed.
• Your parent's first cousin's child is your second cousin.
• Your second cousin's child is your second cousin once removed.
• Your parent's second cousin is your second cousin once removed.
• Your second cousin's grandchild is your second cousin twice removed.
• Your parent's second cousin's child is your third cousin.
• Your child and your first cousin's child are second cousins to each other.

That last line clears up a very common mix-up. Your cousin's kids are your first cousins once removed, and they are second cousins to your own kids.

Half cousins, double cousins and cousins by marriage

A few family setups bend the usual rules.

• Half cousins share only one grandparent. This happens when your parent and your cousin's parent are half siblings.
• Double cousins share both sets of grandparents, paternal and maternal. This happens when two siblings from one family marry two siblings from another, so the cousins are related through both parents.
• Step cousins come from a parent's remarriage. There is no blood link, but many step cousins grow up as close as any others.
• Your cousin's husband or wife is not your cousin by blood. Many people simply say cousin-in-law, even though it is not an official term.

What is my cousin's child to me, and other puzzles

These are the questions that come up most at family gatherings.

• What is my cousin's daughter to me? Your first cousin once removed. The same goes for a son.
• What is my dad's cousin to me? Also your first cousin once removed. Your mom's cousin is the same.
• What are my dad's cousin's kids to me? Your second cousins, like Leo is to Mara.
• What is my grandma's sister to me? Your great aunt, and what is a great aunt covers her side of the tree.
• What do you call your cousin's cousin? If they are from your cousin's other parent's side, you are not related at all. If they are from your shared side, they are your cousin too, or your sibling.
• Are second cousins blood relatives? Yes. You share a set of great-grandparents, so you are related by blood, just more distantly than first cousins.

Cousins as adults: who you end up close to

Childhood decides a lot. Cousins who spent every summer at the same grandparents' house can stay close for life, while cousins who met twice a decade stay polite strangers. Then adult life reshuffles things. A second cousin you barely knew can become a real friend after one long conversation at a wedding, and a first cousin you shared a bunk bed with can drift out of your life completely. When one of them has a birthday coming up, these birthday wishes for a cousin cover close cousins, far-off ones and the ones you found again.

Blood sets up the meeting. Whether you keep in touch depends much more on whether the two of you get along, which is the same thing that decides any friendship. Blood is thicker than water looks at why a friend can sometimes feel closer than family, and family dynamics at the roles relatives fall into. If a cousin has gone quiet, National Cousins Day on July 24 is an easy reason to call.

Personality type shows up at every reunion. Here is how four of the 16 types often play the cousin role:

• Vitalizer plans the reunion, sends the invitations and makes sure the distant cousins feel welcome.
• Strategist says little at the big table, then has the best conversation of the day with one cousin on the porch.
• Organizer handles the practical side, like the grandparents' house, the rental tables and the drive home for the oldest relatives.
• Encourager keeps the cousins' group chat alive with ideas for the next trip and gets everyone excited about each other's news.

Some cousins end up as close as siblings, which is why types of sibling relationships may sound familiar. If yours has its own chat, family group chat names has a few cousin names to steal.

Mara and Leo met for coffee a month after the wedding, and both were surprised how easy it was. If you're curious about the cousin you click with, or the one you don't, the free family compatibility test is a good place to look. You pick the more fitting of two statements, and then it shows your type, which side of each base trait you fall on and a free write-up of your strong points and weak spots. You don't need an account for that part. To compare with a cousin, invite them from your result page. Sending the invite needs a free account, and everyone taking part must be 16 or older. Once your cousin has finished, a relationship type appears for both of you, with what comes easily for the two of you and what needs effort.

Questions people ask

What is a second cousin?

A second cousin is a relative who shares your great-grandparents but not your grandparents. One of your parents and one of theirs are first cousins.

What is a first cousin once removed?

A cousin one generation away from you. The most common examples are your parent's first cousin and your first cousin's child.

What is a third cousin?

A relative who shares your great-great-grandparents. One of your parents and one of theirs are second cousins.

Is my cousin's child my second cousin?

No. Your cousin's child is your first cousin once removed. Your child and your cousin's child are second cousins to each other.

How close are second cousins?

By blood, much more distant than first cousins. How close you feel depends on how often your families met and on whether you get along as adults.

Sources

• Wikipedia, "Cousin": how the degree of a cousin and the times removed are counted, and what half cousins and double cousins are.

Written by Virko Kask, founder of Typeza
Written with the help of AI tools.